u/Interesting-Being580

Tonight, he went to start putting away dinner and cleaning up. I went in to help and threw away some leftovers. He put dishes in the sink. I opened the dishwasher to start loading it and he goes “you got this from here? I feel like I’m in the way” and I say “sure” but in a way like “I guess so” or like I was annoyed. Thinking back, I was a bit disappointed that he can’t just take the initiative to do it himself or tell me that he’s got it, but at this point I have accepted that I have to do everything anyway. If I had walked away he would have left all the dishes in the sink. He always does. And then he will claim that he was going to do it later. Just like last night when he “would take care of” the trash later. And didn’t. He sat on his phone instead. I had to take it to the curb this morning after he texted me that he’s sorry.

Anyway, I apologized immediately but it’s never enough. He says imagine how it makes him feel. And I get it, I’d feel the same. I apologized again and he walked away. So I finished loading and starting the dishwasher. He smoked weed in the sun room. I got our kid going in the shower. He sat in the living room and stared off into space. I got our kid ready for bed, cold medicine and brushed teeth. He sat in the living room and stared off into space some more.

After bed time was done i attempted to apologize again. I was told that I have been treating him really awful lately and I think he deserves it and he really doesn’t deserve it. He didn’t feel like continuing the conversation so I said ok and he went into his room and I’m in mine now. I wasn’t given any room to talk and I know better by now to try, I know where it will get me.

He doesn’t deserve the treatment??? I didn’t deserve to be screamed at and called names and told that I’m useless and I do nothing while his family was in the other room. I didn’t deserve the bruises on my body or being screamed at with our kid in the middle of us while you tried to snatch my phone out of my hand, putting bruises on my arm and hands. Three times. I didn’t deserve to file a DV report that night. Yet here I am. He’s lucky I’m still here caring for our home, our kid, cooking, cleaning, and doing everything else I’ve always done. I show no affection because I don’t have any to give. I’ve made this clear. I’m the idiot for still doing things like I always have. I just want things to be kept as normal as possible for our kid. And here I am….

What am I still doing here?????

I need to decompress this moment this morning and every time I think about it, I don’t understand how I’m supposedly in the wrong.

Last night I was awake for a few hours, couldn’t sleep. I finally fell back asleep and ended up sleeping later than I normally do. I was woken up by my daughter, she likes to come snuggle in the morning.

It’s important to note that my husband and I sleep separately due to a multitude of reasons, mostly ending with me having a hard time sleeping, getting up to sleep in the spare room and being followed and yelled at to make a choice where I’m sleeping so I yelled back that I’m sleeping in here from now on. We’ve had many issues and this is just one of them.

The morning ended with her jumping on me and throwing a stuffy on me over and over again. We finally get up and I come out to her telling him what we were doing and it was so silly. He says “I bet mommy had a lot of fun with that” or along those lines and I said “yea it was great” and made like a sarcastic tired face meant to be funny. Then I said how I had a hard time sleeping last night. From that point on, all I got was attitude from him. I was avoided, he was short with me. He gave me a creepy smile when he’s trying to put on a face and pretend nothing is wrong, but I know better by now.

Him and our daughter made coffee together. He was short with her when it came to filling the container with water. I went to use the bathroom and when I was in there I heard her tell him something and he responded “(her name) just st—“ and then heard her stomp away and close her bedroom door.

I came back out and we had an interaction where he’s sitting with his head in his hands, clearly frustrated. I calmly asked him what was wrong and he responded that he didn’t sleep much last night either and I could have asked him how he slept. He proceeded to tell me I have no empathy because I didn’t ask him. I didn’t know it was an exchange where it was conversationally expected. He said i should have been aware of his expectation, we always have these moments where hes expected to apologize, he apologizes and doesn’t know why he apologizes. He said i need to take accountability for my actions and i said “for what?!” louder than the voice level I had. I got told to stop yelling at him. No matter how i spoke i was told i was yelling. I finally gave up and went into the room I slept in, being followed with the fact that i have no accountability or empathy and I responded that he has neither of those.

And here I am. In a whirl of wtf did I do. I truly don’t think I did anything wrong by not asking how he slept. This isn’t the first time something like this has happened and I’m so fed up with it. Am I the unreasonable one?