u/Interesting-Cook8418

Hi guys, my story is really not that interesting, but I am in a morally impasse and I would really need advice. Im sorry in advance for the length.

In a month i have my bachelor's degree exam and then in november i have my medical residency exam, so times are tough, mental breakdowns are the new routine and overall I just feel the worst i have ever felt and I just need a lot of support to carry on through the days. Our 5 years relationship is also going south for lack of understanding and communication, so it's really not a great time for any of us. Because of everything that is going on between us and her being a major avoidant, she is now trying her best to avoid taking part in solving our problem as she feels drained of putting effort so she's been looking for different ways to escape this responsability (meeting friends every 2 days, buying a new musical instrument, complaining about not taking enough trips etc). She is now finding an infinite of reasons to be displeased with everything that is going on in our lives.

Maybe worth mentioning is how I told her I need stability and to clarify a few problems before taking a break from our problems (as she feels drained), but we just couldn't meet in the middle with this and I just have to wait for her to talk whenever she us ready while I spiral. And I cant help but build resentment for her accepting to receive 100% of my effort while she offers barely anything.

I think I am selfish for what I am about to say, but I would really need her to stay with me as I study, because I feel so stuck and alone and on the edge. I also feel a bit betrayed by her thinking of arranging trips for her and her friends while I am siting on my ass all day struggling with studying and with thoughts regarding our relationship. I did talk to her about me feeling betrayed and envious and needing her by my side, but it backfired. She said she feels limited. I truly understand her point of view and I don't know if I am right to ask her not to go anywhere just because I feel miserable. But it still doesn't feel fair and I still feel like she is not being considerate enough.

Last year was her turn of having these 2 exams and I told her I will be by her side because I know how shitty it feels to stay at home in distress while the partner is having a great time, and in the beginning of this year we made the same compromise regarding my situation, but since our relationship has started drifting and she has been feeling off, she is now putting her feelings before it. I mentioned how last year I was considerate and would love if she could be as well, but she just said how I wouldn't have gone anywhere regardless of her having an exam or not so for me it wasn't a sacrifice.