r/couplestherapy

Me F30 and my husband M31 have been bickering back-and-forth about small petty things. We love each other very much, but can’t seem to let small things go and get hung up on them. We spoke about marriage counseling, but we have a very young child and our finances are a little tied up right now.

Is there anything that you could advise us to do in the meantime to help our marriage? I would love any advice on how to communicate better and do our own sort of counseling at home until we’re able to get the time to go. Please let me know what helped you or what you can advise.

My partner and I of 7 years are about to do a second round of therapy. Our first round was 6 years ago and I stopped because it was my responsibility to pay for it.
The therapist he enlisted for this second round has only been in practice for 3 years and is in her mid twenties.
I am in my early forties and extremely uncomfortable sharing trauma and relationship issues with someone that is almost 2 decades younger than me. To say I am dreading our first session is an understatement.
My partner has a profound history with dishonesty and does display narcissistic traits. I am paranoid that he thinks he can manipulate this counselor, but I don’t feel it’s justified to express this.
Do I have a right to be concerned that we need someone with more experience?

Hi all - I'm a journalist working on a story for a major national news outlet. I'm doing a story on the rise of AI couples therapy apps, like Ember Couple and CoupleWork, and I'm looking for couples who are willing to go on the record about their experience using one of these types of apps (not necessarily the ones I mention above.) Please reply if you're interested in taking part and we can connect off-Reddit via email. thanks!

I have no experience with therapy and am wondering if therapy would be worth trying in this situation:

I am married with two young kids. My husband and I both work full time and contribute equally financially to the household. But I do 90% of everything --- daycare runs, cooking, laundry, cleaning, organizing, planning, outings, playing with kids, etc. My husband spends 2 hours watching TV or playing video games every night, while I barely have time to shower. On weekends, I have the kids to myself for most of the day both days. Meanwhile, my husband pursues his own interests and hobbies. I often feel like I'm a single parent, but with a live-in helper who can fill in for me in a pinch. I want my husband to be an equal partner and parent and have voiced my concerns on many occasions and in many ways --- calmly, angrily, sadly. Nothing changes. I have even tried asking him to do small concrete tasks to help take some of the load, and he just doesn't do them.

My problem is that my thoughts are dominated with anger and disappointment towards my husband.

Would therapy be helpful? Individual? Couples?

We have been having issues in our relationship for a while now.

My partner (46M) finally went to therapy. He did 6 sessions, and now he is telling me his therapist says he doesn't need to be there. We had agreed on couples therapy after we both did individual therapy. I (36F) have been in individual therapy for 3 years now.

I was FUMING when he told me his therapist said he didn't need therapy but I did. Later that day I had therapy. I told my therapist and she said to come at it with curiosity. "Does that mean you graduated therapy?" "Does your therapist think you are ready for couples therapy then?"

He went and asked. She said it sounds like a good idea and that I should look into it because my insurance might cover it.

Now, my therapist and I are getting me prepared to sit on that couch with him. I want to stay grounded and precise. He has a habit of gaslighting and turing it all around on me.

Anyways... here is my list of BS.

She told me to frame it with, "It hasnt felt safe when..":

It hasn't felt safe to bring awareness to patterns of behavior and communication. 

I try to speak, and I am met with no acknowledgment that I even said anything.

If I do get him to engage in a topic that needs to be addressed, he walks away as I'm still trying to address it all while muttering under his breath. 

If I ask what he said under his breath I am met with denial of saying anything under his breath. (I have labeled this behavior as "talking shit under your breath")

The energy and sharpness with how he speaks to the boys is subpar. Often threatening that he is going to "whoop their ass". Which I am not ok with. We do not "pop on the booty"

I don't feel safe to freely exist in the same room. I have to minimize and walk lightly. I can't even watch my phone at low volume or the boys make kid noise (whining, screeching, talking, playing) we are disturbing his precious TV time. I find myself watching my phone on mute just so we aren't playing volume wars. He is constantly telling the boys to "shut up" if they are happily making noise. And tells them "go to bed" if they are whining.

I don't feel safe to buy take out with my measly 20$ (no strings attached). There is always strings attached. I feel like I have to hide the food bags, receipts and cups from him if we get take out during the day. Or I have to over explain why I got take out in the first place. Or made to feel bad that I got takeout even if I used "my" money. It's brought up multiple times after the discovery of the fast food. Continuing the shame long after the first initial conversation. 

I don't feel safe to walk in a different room without words being spoken behind my back under his breath. If I address it I am told he didn't say anything. Continuing to keep me questioning my own reality.

In the evenings after dinner I hear him "washing up" the dishes. In my brain it says "oh good I don't have to worry about the dishes tonight". Only to find out hours later when I go in the kitchen that there is still a full kitchen to be cleaned. He was just "helping out" by rinsing the dishes. I'm often feeling defeated by this because I'm hopeful that he is actually helping out. The job isn't done and still gets put on me after the help has been served. It doesn't feel like help.  Now after dinner when I hear that water going it puts me even more on edge. Knowing that the job is still there for me to do it and I'm supposed to feel thankful.

I don't feel safe when I try to discuss anything with him. It is constantly turned around on me and made to be my problem or fault never going anyway of remedying anything.

There is more that I am continuing to add to this list as it happens.. This is just the start.

I wish my nervous system rest.

I'm a 30(F) in a relationship with my 32(M) partner. We just started therapy with a clinician who specializes in the Gottman Method (level 3) and is trained in emotionally focused couples therapy. I am at my wit's end. I am so confused about what we are even fighting about at this point.

We had our 2nd joint session last week where I asked that we discuss how to navigate things post-therapy, knowing we are likely to feel activated. I'd also found myself especially impacted by him texting me and telling me he was spiraling or that he was angry with me after he met with her 1-1. It left me feeling responsible for his emotional world. I didn't want to talk about therapy outside of therapy, especially when we don't have the tools to do so effectively right now. I was careful to say this wasn't something I saw as a permanent solution, but that I would prefer to refrain from talking about therapy content without the frame of the therapy itself for now.

He escalated around this fairly quickly and said he was frustrated, that he needs to be able to talk and feels I am making the rules. The therapist tried to help us find a middle ground by suggesting the idea of a 'check-in,' which I was open to, and also the idea of allowing it to vary session by session. It ended awkwardly and I called him after to check-in and reconnect.

He was withdrawn, refusing to talk much so I asked if he preferred space and he said he didn't. I asked what he does want and he just escalated, referring to my behavior as controlling and abusive - stating that I muzzle him by not allowing him to talk or voice his needs, that it all becomes about me and my need for things to be handled "perfectly." He was alluding to me being avoidant, and I can definitely see aspects of this. I said as much. It seems, however, that there is nothing I can say in these moments that moves him in any way. He becomes extreme, polarizing, says I make him into a monster and myself into the victim. He uses language that, to me, suggests he's thinking about ending the relationship.

I feel helpless and confused. All the things he accuses me of are experiences I, too, have with him. At no point have I stated he cannot talk about things - I've asked the he refrain from blowing up at me and that he speak to me with respect and a baseline assumption that we are on the same team.

I really need to know if couples therapy has worked for folks navigating a similar dynamic. We reviewed the Sound Relationship House and the first three foundational areas were listed as strengths along with "commitment." The "trust" wall, however, was marked as a challenge along with conflict of course and the 4 horsemen. I really want this relationship to work and I can't handle him when he speaks to me this way. I don't know what to think.

We been together 4 years, and just moved in together this year. My boyfriend says he’s having conflicted feelings about me now (small signs showed about 1 month that i overlooked) but still loves and cares for me. He also brought up many things that I agree with. Being with him really put a mirror to my doings… I’ve been unemployed but trying to get jobs still - and in that time i realized i’ve been too comfortable with doing nothing. i now realized i have that tendency. My boyfriend says he doesn’t mind me being unemployed, but there’s a few things that do/did bother him. Like me not being social, exercising, etc.

I’ve been a bit depressed and honestly very anxious since moving away from where i’ve grown up, but i know i really wanted to get away from my parents. And in that, i haven’t been social or making an effort to make new friends around here - which leaks into the relationship bc i always complain to him that i’m lonely and cry at night. and when he goes out with his friends on friday nights after work, i question him if he’s cheating (even tho i trust him, i only asked bc a friend made me overthink). I also constantly ask to spend time with him bc i have no friends and am anxious. He told me to join clubs and stuff but i always made excuses saying i’m unemployed and should use my money wisely. I also stopped going to the gym because our gym membership ended and only did low effort/half ass workouts at home. While my boyfriend has been going out actively playing basketball and going to the gym to be better for me (and him). And I understand all this now. I understand how it would make someone lose feelings seeing someone not try or grow as a person/be stagnant. It probably made him feel stagnant too and helpless.

So what I’m asking is, if i’m willing to step up and grow with him (be more social, exercise, etc), do you think we can save this relationship? He says he feels good about us now and then after talking it out, but he feels guilty afterwards sometimes because of his complicated feelings. He also says he’s not sure he’ll gain back feelings afterwards, but I have hope. Is it false hope?

I had a time years ago where i felt how he felt too, and i was able to get past his lowest point and stick with him to this day. Now he’s grown his hair, got skinnier, has this nice job, and going out more. I guess I feel hurt.. and i know he knows i am, which is putting pressure on him. I was able to stick with him when he had no car, looked worse, unemployed, but he can’t? Maybe I’m being selfish idk. He says he’d never be that kind of guy who drops a girl bc he’s doing better, but it feels like he is.

There’s obviously more details but i’ll leave it at that.

I M38 with 37 F rattlesnake of a woman of 10 years hates me. Tonight there was a blow out argument. 17 days ago we had a huge blowout. It's just getting worse and worse. We are both extremely stubborn. I know I'm not perfect. I want to make things better. We haven't been romantically involved for years. Our emotional relationship is non existent at this point.

I'm a self coined dry addict. I routinely get into projects around the house with the motivation only a crackhead would know. I am clean but there's nothing I can't turn into an addiction. I go hard as I've been told. I can spend hours in the garage making things or whatever. I posted to a different sub the last time we had an argument because I have no one to talk to like a reasonable person about our problems. I blankly asked reddit. It was removed due to me mentioning I was an addict and how it was relating to my relationship issue.

However, I'm looking for advice on how to make this better. How do I navigate change and what do I need to do to keep the peace. As I found out, my partner is for a better lack of word jealous that I occupy my time. It's been this way forever. I'll get into fitness. Get in trouble. Play video games. Get bitched at. Repair the house. Not spending enough time with the family. The only thing I don't get in trouble for is working, which I do plenty of as well.

I'm absolutely miserable with my life. I have no friends, no support, and my family are a bunch of cunts that I don't really speak with. The only people in my life are in this home and I'm not really welcome in it anymore. The only reason I'm alive at this point is because I have a 5.75 yr old daughter who I adore.

I recently got into my house plants again as a hobby. Repotting and propagating. I have a bunch probably 30 or so. I stupidly went along with adopting two kittens in the fall. They are lovely, but they are barn cats and enjoy eating plants. So my thought was just keep all my small plants on the enclosed porch. This has been a spot of contention. To me the plants are just as valuable as a living thing as the cats are as pets to the rest of the family.

I set up a grow area in my office a few nights ago (adding another restricted zone for the cats to the house) my plan is to move everything from the porch to the office. The way my brain works -- it's more of an experiment more than just an automatic concrete plan. Some poor choice of words were said and I got chewed a brand new double wide asshole. Eventually, I got angry and yelled about making the move. Doing what she wanted. Still not good enough.

There's just so many things. I've basically stopped talking to this woman because I fear of starting an argument. Nothing I talk about is interesting to her. The only time I'm not getting in trouble is if I'm staring at a wall. I get tired of doing that. Lately, with my own deteriorating mental health I just automatically start doing things. Me stopping talking only makes it worse. While we stopped being a couple a long time ago, we still make a good team. I don't want to leave the house. That's the first thing she thinks of. I get told I'm a psychopath, I gaslight her, and I'm a narcissist.

In her mind that's going to solve her own issues and in reality it's not. We make around 90k a year combined and I can tell you our quality of life would be mashed to hell if we split. I wouldn't be able to take my daughter at all because I would be on the street for a time. It would absolutely kill me. I had a terrible childhood and I don't want that for her. She talks about needing a break. Yet I'm 100 percent a dude that cleans up and makes dinner does absolutely ever chore there is. It would be all on her. That's not going to help her.

My question is what the fuck do I do to solve this? I could go on forever.

I'm sorry for asking this and I hope it makes sense. This woman is miserable and I can't fix it. I blame myself because I don't have the emotional depth to understand. I hear her I really do. I just want some acceptance and support. Our lives could be so easy. We have it so good. I just don't know how long I can make it being told everything that makes me. Me is wrong.

TLDR: my relationship is coming to an end. What to I do to fix a woman who is miserable and likely blames me?

TL;DR
Three years ago, I forgave my partner’s infidelities after he promised a "full disclosure". I just discovered a new betrayal that occurred during that recovery period—meaning he still cheated while we were "working on it." Now, more and new details are leaking out. I’m asking for a full disclosure but our couples therapist thinks it’s a pointless request if I’m not leaving. Is it unreasonable to want/expect a full disclosure to move on?

More detail:

I (28f) have been with my bf (28m) since 2022. We began dating in January of 2022 and officially became a couple in March of 2022. Things moved really fast to say the least.

By July of 2022, we were living together. in July or 2022 I found out he had cheated on/lied to me. Including:

- having repeated unprotected sex with a woman he met prior to me and was sleeping with while we were dating up until March or 2022 when we became official. (He was at her house in July of 22 the day I found out but says nothing happened)

- videos of him sleeping with his “long time best friend” who he had me hang out with. They hooked up a few weeks before he met me, and he had innapropriate videos of her dancing on him while we were dating in Feb/March or ‘22

- in Feb/March of ‘22 that night and that he “just got head” from another woman there

- a week in June he went to Vegas when he wasn’t answering his phone or talking to me, he told me hooked up in the restroom with a girl for “seconds” before a security knocked on the door.

There’s more detail. But those are the big things. I was NOT in a good place when I learned all of this. I wasn’t in a good place when I met him either. I know the natural thing to do would be to leave then. But I didn’t. I already didn’t feel well emotionally and it felt like the infidelity itself hurt me to the point where I had even less emotional energy to cope with or act on the matter. I just spiraled, and I spiraled for a long time. But I stayed.

I asked him for a few things— namely to unfollow any women he had been intimate with on social media, and otherwise cut interactions, and to tell me the full truth, all of it.

He followed through on this (at least I thought so. Fast forward another three years and we continue to have challenges in our relationship— a mix of both trust and communication issues/feeling unsupported. In February of 2025, we agreed to to go therapy.

We go through 7 months or so of therapy. It’s really really hard. My therapist helps us start over, clean slate, and challenges me to just learn to trust him— no monitoring, challenging me to get comfortable with him doing things alone, encouraging him to give me reassurance if I need it, etc. it helped a lot.

I can confidently say that I was emotionally in a place where I really trusted him and truly found the sense of emotional safety I had been searching for. It’s worth noting my bf had already changed so much about his life at this point and the therapy just made him more compassionate and a better listener, communicator, and overall more emotionally nurturing guy. I’ve never been more in love in my life, and I’ve never been happier with him.

Then on Christmas Day 2025, my bf confessed to me that in February of 2023 when he was working out of town he actually went to a strip club with his coworkers (strong no for me, which he knows). I asked what happened. He said that him and his coworkers were all sitting together talking to some of the dancers and he got one of their instagrams. And that was it.

Notably, this happened months after I found out about what I thought was everything in July of 2022. He still did this 7 month later (Feb ‘23) while we were still trying to recover from the initial infidelities / lies I learned about.

I was angry. That he did it and that he kept that a secret for 3 years. For the two years prior to therapy I must have asked him a million times to just tell me the full truth. I felt crazy telling him I felt like he didn’t tell me everything and he’d tell me that was it, there was nothing else to reveal.

At this point though, I was learning about this 3 years later. I didn’t know what to do with that information anymore. It was Christmas, I had been so unbelievably happy and safe until then. I think I just didn’t want to process it. So I cried for a few moments, got angry, and that was it.

Now last week (it’s May 2026) he had to go out of town for a job. Something happened with his phone the first night he was out. His location was off all night. My texts weren’t going through. It felt like a repeat story so I began to prepare my things to break up with him.

We talked about it this past weekend when he returned and he convinced me that it really was a glitch. He has a prepaid Verizon phone and he said he paid the bill but the data didn’t kick on for some reason and shut off at midnight. What do I know? I know he has had similar issues but it was weird. He did let me check his phone and when I searched it I didn’t find anything weird.

I accepted his explanation but told him i haven’t processed his 3 year secret, the fact that he ruptured my trust again after everything and that he didn’t come clean during couples therapy. He says he understands and he’s told me all the truth.

Days ago he revealed he also went to a private patio with the stripper and smoked with her this past weekend, not the indoor group setting at the club that he initially described.

I told him this past weekend that I’d schedule a new appt with our therapist (set for today) and that all I am asking for is the full truth. I don’t feel in myself right now that he’s told me the full truth. Just partial truths. I told him therapy is his last chance to say the full truth with someone who can support us in the aftermath.

We went back today and the couples therapy in many words said that there’s nothing she can do/say to convince me to trust him, or to accept whatever version of events he’s given me thus far, and that I can’t stay with him if I don’t want to trust him.

I said I just want to know the full truth and I know that I don’t have it. She said there’s no point in me knowing the whole truth if I’m not going to do anything with it. He cheated on me, that was bad, I didn’t do anything about it. So what’s the point of knowing now?

He lied bc he was doing something bad. He didn’t fes up later bc why would he? I could also choose to believe that he’s been honest for the past year and start over with a clean slate.

I said it’s important to me that he show me he’s changed by choosing honesty. It doesn’t feel to me like he’s changed if he’s still bargaining over the truth. I don’t want to be lied to. Every time I learn something new, it’s like my heart breaks all over again, it feels like a whole new betrayal.

During the course of today’s session I learned that he also contacted the stripper after the fact and they had a “conversation”. New detail yet again.

I just want to get the full truth from him so that I can make peace with it once— not multiple times over the course of years.

Our therapist said that when we started therapy with her we didn’t rehash all the old details, that we agreed to start fresh. I said I didn’t agree to wipe this from the slate bc I didn’t know about it— it happened months after all the infidelities I knew about. She said that I knew there was infidelity anyway. I said I want to move forward knowing that my partner is at least honest / genuine and continuing to keep secrets undermines my sense of security /trust.

She asked what I wanted and I said I wanted him to write it all out, and that I wanted written record of everything bc I don’t want to keep feeling crazy. I don’t want to be gaslit and lied to and told he never said this, never said that, etc. I want what he is telling me is the full truth on paper, and if he deviates from that, I’m out.

Regardless of how you might feel about my relationship in specific— do you think the truth is important for repair? Or is it pointless if you aren’t going to “do anything with it”?
Is there anything to “do with it” other than just leave?

My girlfriend (24) and I (23M) have a joint account, and I saw a €30 charge for a porn site subscription. Frankly, I don't mind her watching porn or having her private moments; it doesn't shock me at all. On the contrary, it amused/surprised me, so I tried to playfully "trick" her. In a random conversation, I asked her, "How much would you be willing to pay for porn?" and she immediately replied, "€30," exactly the price of the subscription she'd bought the day before. She also replied that porn was not something she’s very fond of and that she would not pay for it at all.We also share a computer, and she doesn't seem to know about private tabs since I stumbled across her browsing history. So I saw that she'd been on the site several times during my workday, even though we'd been sexting all day, only to end up doing nothing (which is fine, by the way).So now I don't really know what to think. I'm not jealous of porn per se, but I admit that seeing her prefer it to me feels a little strange. Especially since it's a site that heavily features lesbian relationships—she's bi and I'm a heterosexual man, lol. I'm a bit lost now. She's entitled to her own space, of course, but should I talk to her about it? How? It's her private life, after all; I don't want to seem intrusive.

Throwaway account because I don’t want this found by anyone I know. I wanna know if this seems normal or if he’s lacking empathy and I need to seriously reconsider this relationship.

I’ll preface this with saying that I have missed work often due to medical reasons/medical reasons for my mom. Every absence is covered and protected by FMLA and he is aware of this. Last January (2025) I gave birth to our second child. I had a lot of complications and ended up having to be out of work for an extended time due to my uterus prolapsing. I returned to work in June 2025 and was put on light duty until around January 2026. It is also worth mentioning that I have crippling anxiety and depression so I have an intermittent leave for whenever I need to take off time due to panic attacks, stress, anxiety. It is a limited number of days I can take off for this. In January of 2026 my mother was hospitalized and I ended up taking a week off when she got out to care for her. She has undergone procedures since then and has a surgery coming up where I’ll need to take 3 weeks off of work.

All this information is important only because I want the full picture that I haven’t been working many hours because of the issues that have been happening.

The issue came up this morning. At the end of my shift, I felt intense pain from my groin. I felt like I was going to pass out. I went home 30 mins early and asked him to take care of the kids and explained my pelvic floor was in a lot of pain and I needed to lie down. He kept telling me I needed to go to the hospital but I have been to the er for pelvic floor pain last year when I was dealing with this just to be told I need to consult my obgyn. I so I told him I was waiting for the office to open up to make an appointment.

I made an appointment for tomorrow to see my obgyn as that is the quickest they can see me. I told my partner this and he replied with nothing but “but what about work? You work tomorrow?” Mind you, we aren’t loaded but we can easily afford me missing work tomorrow. He didn’t ask me once if I needed anything, if I was feeling better. Didn’t check on me or anything. I asked him why he would ask that and why he wasn’t concerned with what was going on. He said “well you are missing work a lot and we could really use the money” we have savings put up and not to mention he makes good money and we can easily afford me missing.

I can’t walk right now without feeling like I am going to pass out and possibly prolapse again. Is this a lacking empathy issue or is he justified because of how many days I’ve missed?

Hi everyone, I’d really appreciate some advice because this is starting to seriously affect me.

I (25F) have been struggling to sleep in the same room as my partner (24F) for quite a while now. Growing up, I always slept in a very quiet environment and I’m a really light sleeper.

When we first started sharing a room, the bedroom faced a noisy road and there was constant outside noise. Using earplugs plus white noise helped a lot, and I was finally getting decent sleep again. But my partner found the white noise uncomfortable, so we stopped using it consistently, or used it at the lowest volume which did nothing for me.

Since then, my sleep quality has become really poor over the past 3 months. We recently switched bedrooms to a much quieter room facing gardens instead of the street, and I thought that would solve things. But now my partner talks and groans loudly in their sleep, and it wakes me up constantly.

I’ve tried multiple kinds of earplugs, including Loop Dream, but they don’t block the vocal sounds enough. I also know the issue isn’t just the room itself, because before we officially moved into the new room together, I slept there alone for 3 nights and slept really well.

Last night I lay awake for 5 hours before finally falling asleep around 5am. This keeps happening and it’s affecting my studies, mental wellbeing, and daily life. My partner has tried to compromise and even suggested sleep medication, but I don’t feel that’s a good long-term solution when I can sleep perfectly well in the right environment.

I care about my partner’s comfort too, but I’m getting desperate and don’t know what a reasonable solution looks like anymore.

Has anyone dealt with something similar? Did anything help?

I 23F and my fiance 23M have been together for 3 years. The biggest issue i have is truly his incompetence and lack of initiative. We are stuck in a loop where i tell him my needs, ask him to be honest about them being out of scope for him, he insists they are not and he understands them. He does something that shows he either doesn’t know what i need or does not care to make it happen. I bring up the issue and have to spend at minimum 15 minutes convincing him the issue exists before he says he loves me and he didn’t know and he’ll fix it and that’s that. The cycle continues. Because it’s been happening SO LONG he feels i “hold things against him” and bring up “little things” but i only provide examples because they usually do not get resolved and he insists he does not know what i mean. For example, im currently 30 weeks pregnant with our first child. We live in a one bedroom apartment. When we decided to keep the baby, i told him i knew my mental health would suffer GREATLY from being in a one bedroom with the baby and that we should move before our baby shower in mid June. Over the months, I asked if we could talk about a plan (he told me we didn’t need one) asked if we could decide on a moving date (May 1st or June 1st), asked if we should pick a date to go view units, asked if i should email our leading office, etc. i was always told he had it, it’s too easily, he promises to get it done, he doesn’t need constant reminders, etc. well it is the middle of May, he didn’t say anything to it leading office until last week, and now the earliest availability they have is July 10th, 10 days before my due date IF i make it that far. I’m devastated and have been having panic attacks about it since i found out. He’s super apologetic but that’s it. He is pretty bad at giving gifts even though I’m an extremely communicative person with a literal running list of things i like with links that he has access to. I try to help him by doing pretty much anything i can to spoon feed him information. For parents holidays this year i said i didn’t want anything big bc baby isn’t here, but just maybe a card and a nice set of pajamas or less than 50 dollars of stuff off my list. His 6 year old nephew got me flowers, he did not. He went to Walmart the day before Mother’s Day, got two different pairs of bottoms that I’d sent him pictures of with no top “they didn’t have any more of my size in the tops “, got me a card but never wrote anything in it or actually gave it to me. This is what i mean by him being incapable of doing anything COMPLETELY or on time. I feel like im constantly planning and managing our entire lives and he rarely meets me even half way and refuses to recognize this as a detrimental issue. I call out of work due to stress and lay in bed and cry at minimum two times a month and can recite the exact speech I’ll get verbatim, and ik he has adhd but he refuses to do anything about it (will not use a planner, the reminder app, his notes app, has been to therapy 3 times in three years, refuses to look into medication, does not engage with the to do list on the fridge, won’t talk to his friends or his parents about it, etc). I genuinely get headaches from stress any time i know there’s something coming up he has to be involved in, which is most things. This morning he wanted to make me breakfast but i had to answer the following before he even started: would i like toast? Do i like eggs? Do i want cheese on my eggs? Do i want one or two slices of toast? It also makes me feel AWFUL to list these things out to him because it feels like nagging but im serious every single time i try to communicate the sheer mental and physical load his lack of initiative puts on me he has no idea what im talking about. I’m really worried about the impact this could have on our child but i also don’t think there is anything else i can do about it at all. I’ve made him agree to give me 400 a month regardless of our relationship status once the baby gets here because i honestly don’t have any faith he will change and i don’t see myself raising a child in that kind of environment but that didn’t seem to make the gravity of the situation any more clear and he will probably forget. What else can i do?