This is going to be a long one and incorporates a wedding so ill refer to my husbands best friend as the groom (just turned 60) and the bride (mid to late fifties) me female (mid fifties), husband (late fifties)
Late last year we had organized a 2 week holiday with one of our best mates (my husband's best mate 40+years, and my close friend of 30+ years) and his partner (of 10 years) in shared accommodation. I was a bit anxious because the bride can be a lot, but i thought we'd be able to make it through 2 weeks, boy was i wrong! Quite some time after the holiday had been confirmed and paid for they told us they were going to get married while we were away. We were ok with that, it seemed a lovely idea. The original plan was it was going to be an elopement and they would tell everyone on their return….. so just a brief service at the wedding registry with the 4 of us, this is what the groom and bride had agreed on.
We were a few days into the holiday at our first accommodation and i was relieved because everyone was having a good time. We had a few drinks in the evening sitting around chatting, then went to bed. The next morning we were checking out and moving to the next leg of our trip. The bride was the last one up and seemed a bit out of sorts. We asked the groom if everything was ok and he brushed it off. The drive was very quiet, she was obviously upset about something. Shortly into the drive the bride blurts out how disgusted she was that we would talk to the groom about her behind her back (asking if she was ok), then she launches into a tirade of how poorly she was treated the evening before. My husband was the focus of her attack. It started about how disrespected and undervalued she had been made to feel and devolved into a delusional rant that we couldn't make sense of. She would attack my husband about one thing and when he would try to defend himself (keeping his calm and never attacking her) she would pivot raising a totally different imagined issue. This was not a discussion, this was unhinged yelling. At one point we were murderers eating flesh (she's vegan), at another point she was yelling f#_k you, f#-k you, f#-k you. She accused my husband of being racist amongst a tirade of other character assassinations that were just delusional. The outburst lasted about 45 minutes before she finally calmed down. The groom sat in silence for most of the attack. I gently interjected a couple of times trying to calm the situation. The whole interchange was the bride aggressively attacking my husband and him calmly trying to make sense of each accusation, and trying not to further agitate her.
I thought it felt tense before the altercation i was now in total shell shock and we still had a long way till our destination.
I was on my phone looking for alternate accommodation but there was an event in the city we were going to and there was no availability. I was texting my husband that we needed to book a flight and go home, but he felt he had to stay to support the groom at his wedding. During a pit stop the bride mentioned to me that she didn't realize how much planning the wedding had got to her, that seemed to be her explanation but no apology.
For the next few days we managed to avoid them, doing our own activities which included scouting out wedding photo locations at the local botanical gardens because in the brides excitement leading up to the ceremony the plans changed a bit. She had started telling people before hand which caused some drama with people feeling left out (which was the reason it was an elopement in the first place). So now 2 other couples (her friends) where flying down for the ceremony). One of the group was now going to do a photo shoot after the ceremony, the bride had purchased 2 wedding dresses (she decided she didn’t like the first), flowers had been organized as well as a small venue for a reception after. The morning of the wedding i helped the bride get ready. We attended the registry where they exchanged their vows (both the grooms and brides vows were written by the bride) and we were their witnesses.
The next day we did our own thing. The following day my husband and the groom had tickets for the cricket. So that left me alone with the bride. I stayed in my room most of the morning but i couldn't keep avoiding her so I went up around midday. She was in the kitchen and i offered to open a bottle i got from the vineyards the day before. We had a few glasses and chatted she reiterated that she hadn't realized how stressed the wedding planning had made her alluding to the incident. Then she said she actually felt blessed we had that experience because she felt it would bring us closer together. She said her and the groom do this in their relationship and they call it thrashing and it has brought them closer together. I don't know how i managed to hide my shock that she felt this was a healthy relationship tool.
All i could feel was deep concern for the groom. I'd know this man for 30+ years, he is one of the kindest most empathetic people i have ever met. He's not aggressive and is conflict adverse.
holiday ended without further incident. I wanted to initiate a group chat to highlight how unhealthy i felt this behavior is, my husband said he would prefer to handle it. Months passed and an appropriate opportunity was never presented.
So i messaged the groom repeating what the bride had said about feeling blessed that we had "the incident" and how healthy the "thrashing" had been for their relationship. And i told him he didn't deserve to be treated that way.
He responded by saying i was wrong, that the they couldn't believe i would try to inflict damage on their relationship and they are cutting contact. This happened recently and im finding the whole thing an absolute mind f#_k!
So AITA???