Started experimenting with Godn Teachers after a depression trying to figure things out. Wife was a bit against it since the beginning.
Slowly went up the pole, starting at 1,5g then 3,0, then 4,5 and then decided to round off at 5g.
The 3g experience had been great with decent set & setting and was able to experience ego death but the 4,5 had been a disappointment after a bad night sleep and maybe not enough careful setting and darkness discipline. Ended up mainly confused with a stream of thought going through my head and unable to grab any of them.
For this trip I prepared decently, meditated for the previous weeks and my room with blackouts and was keen on not leaving that room.
The experience started normally, but it started to go up in intensity quite above what I was used to. Started getting body cramps mixed with visual of being shot through space *Reminiscent of 2001: A Space Odissey". As I kept getting higher I started loosing track if I had taken anything and after a while got into a weird mind loop that not only are visuals fractals but also all the world and time.
I cant evend replicate the logic at the time but basically I felt I was stuck in a time loop and that time only moved forward if I accepted what was being presented. Eventually started to understand everything being presented was a reflection of my own actions and to have kindness presented to me I just had to be kind and that even time could be controlled. I was really excited to finally having understood life and its meaning and felt I was in a sort of virtual reality waiting to be explored and so I did....
I decided to leave the house as I was, barefoot and in my pyjamas. The wife thought I was semi-sober and did not even hear me leaving the house. Ended up walking down the street until a neighbour found me and took me back home. They were a bit scared thinking I was schizophrenic nad my wife was mortified thinking of what could have hapened and blaming herself for letting it happen.
The good part was that I actually brought alot of meaning from it after about half a year integration but the wife now gets pissed at any mention of psychedelics. I don't feel I want to go to such high doses again without an experienced sitter but I would like to try again at lower 3g doses.
Any ideas on how to approach the subject?