Idk if it's a crush or limerence or whatever. There’s someone I get to see 3–4 times a week because of my daily routine (though I see them for less than 5 minutes). It’s been almost 2 years of lingering eye contact and smiling at each other one day, then completely ignoring each other the next. I have very limited information about them, btw.
Anyway, when I was thinking about this situation, I realized that I’m actually fine with changing this part of my daily routine. It would not kill me — it might even be better if it meant I could forget them and actually have a chance with someone else. Yet, because I know they also look at me, laugh, and even blush at times during our tiny bits of small talk, I can’t help but think they might feel something toward me too.
And I… want that thing. I want to keep receiving that weird little attention from them. Even though I’m obsessing over them and could stop putting myself in situations where I see them, I don’t want to, because, as the title says, I do NOT want them to forget about me.
Maybe they do not even feel anything and it’s just a nice gesture. Maybe they do feel something, but nowhere near as strongly as I do. I do not know. But the reason I can’t change whatever this is isn’t because I want to hold onto my feelings for them — it’s because I want their possible feelings about me to stay with them.
What is this even called? Like, if I were to stop seeing them, I’m afraid they would forget about me a lot faster than I’d forget about them. You know?
Idk, maybe I’m just larping.