u/Interesting_Bell8843

After total meltdown and literally felt terrible for weeks I'd slowly started to heal... Not waking up thinking of her, tears when I actually stop for a second and the reality hits me il never be her man again, no sleep, having this numb state of mind feeling nobody could come close.

Smiled, actually had a feeling of we had our time and just appreciate what we had but it's over now and I can feel myself again... Few days of peace and confidence...

Out of nowhere just crumbled, saw someone that I thought was her felt a wave of sickness and dread, pain and praying she'd actually see me and something was still there...

Felt fucking pathetic, I'd gone back after feeling id made progress, could handle the first awkward interaction, see her with another guy and just smile and say hey,... I thought I was ready

After years of confusion, marriage breakdown, dates, relationships, questions, pain and everything else that comes with giving someone parts of yourself and sometimes asking "why".

I've had my share of breakups, from a 17 year marriage to a beautiful honest woman who respected me, both went through hell and back during those years only to divorce and feel nothing, no sadness no regrets or ask myself why, being able to accept and move on with our lives and see it as a positive part of my life that I can look back on and appreciate.

Fast forward to dating, having some long term relationships not working out and yeah you feel sad, wake up in the morning thinking of them, stay awake at night wondering "if only I'd have done this shed still be there" feeling like nobody could bring that joy and connection to your life again.

It's just a personal realisation that after giving people parts of me, loving someone and feeling like they mean the world to me only for things to end or not be valued or respected and have someone else occupy my headspace, distract me, make me feel shit basically after things end..

We sometimes miss how they made us feel... That excitement when they pop up on our phones, the feeling you get when you look at them and have this glow inside and a feeling of being important to them.

But that's what's taken me nearly 20 years of my life to finally understand, you don't miss the person who ignored your messages to post online, cancel plans or loose interest, break trust and respect or not see what they truly had right in front of them.

If you feel like everything is lost, you miss them.. feel broken, nothing is going to make you feel like you did... Well it can and will... And you have it now... You.... Learn to love yourself, know you're a good person... Know you can be loyal, be kind and passionate, strong and confident.. make people earn you.... Don't give yourself away and loose that love, you can be happy, feel content on your own until that one person appreciates you and it will happen...

20 years.... I chased it.. I've ignored it and i thought it found me after not forcing anything...

None of that matters... Showing them you can feel sad.. miss them, but stand tall and prove they can't ever take away your own self love.. they never earned you so they can't break you...