TLDR; Childhood best friend did not pass the vibe check, got drunk and argumentative, threw up in Uber and on Uber driver, required my other friends to babysit her throughout the trip, did not apologize to anyone or attempt to repair relationships.
I (28F) had 7 friends join me on my recent bachelorette trip. On the first night, I ended up having a pretty bad anxiety attack. The friends who were still awake were awesome and helped me through it, and I made the decision that I would not drink on Day 2 to avoid further anxiety. However, I didn't care if other people on the trip still drank. I have been the only sober one many times and we already purchased a bunch of house alcohol that I didn't want to waste! That being said, mostly everyone understood that because this was my bach, it made sense to match my vibe and therefore take it easy. Casual drinking, no one getting beyond just a good buzz.
Except... childhood bestie (M). None of us really noticed her level of drinking throughout the day while we were at the pool or even in the evening on the party bus. She was a bit behind the group (still with 1 other girl, B, not alone) when we got to the bar, so I didn't notice her stumbling but the bouncers did not want to let her in due to her intoxication. M argued her way in and as soon as she joined us in our section, it was obvious she was way too drunk. Took her shoes off, couldn't stand, head was rolling, slurring her words. It was like 0 to 100.
She continued to try to get alcohol despite each one of my friends telling her to stop. Finally I said screw it, let's just go home. We were bummed but I wanted to avoid an issue if M got kicked out. Left the bar much earlier than planned.
Cousin (C) calls an Uber van for all 8 of us. I sit in the back row. M is in the front row with B. I didn't know this until we got to our house, but as soon as we got in the van, M threw up on the floor and on the Uber driver. Continued to vomit throughout 15 minute ride. B and C got her out of the van and she continued to vomit on the street. My friends had to clean up the Uber while M went into the bathroom and continued to vomit in the toilet and tub. Once the Uber was clean, B and C managed to bathe M (it took over 2 hours because she continued to get sick and was being otherwise difficult) while the rest of us started to clean the house because we were leaving the next morning. We set up M's bed with trash bags and towels in case she continued to get sick.
In the morning, we all got up and continued to clean the house for check-out. I was surprised to see M awake, but I was even more surprised that instead of helping to clean up, she sat on the lounge chair by the pool!! After all the chaos she caused the night before, she didn't even help clean up. Instead, she watched all of us clean, commented on how full the trash was, and walked past us to go from the pool to the couch to continue to just watch. This made me feel like she had no remorse.
She also did not give a great apology. She did not apologize to B and C or thank them for their amazing help. She did not apologize to the group. She couldn't make eye contact with me when she lamely said, "sorry for being a problem child."
I should note that she is a well-practiced drinker. This is not a case of "didn't know her limit" because she drinks most days of the week anyway. She has a high tolerance, so it is shocking to me that she was even capable of getting to this level the way she did.
I'm not sure if she knows the extent of it. She did ask C if she made it into the house before getting sick, to which C told her not even close, so she must know it was bad. Plus, waking up with trash bags and towels surrounding you is never a good sign. And we cancelled all of our plans for the third day because everyone just wanted to get the heck out of there (especially me, I couldn't risk another anxiety attack).
I think I could have forgiven her if she attempted to apologize and put some effort in to helping out in the morning, but now it just feels like she doesn't even care that she had such a negative impact on the trip.
My feelings on this are complicated because she has been a friend for almost 25 years. Our friendship is closely tied to some of my other childhood friendships as well as my parents' friendships. I know that removing her as a bridesmaid will effectively end the friendship, but I don't know if I can really ever have the same relationship with her ever again. I don't think it's worth keeping her in the bridal party just to keep peace when our friendship will likely fizzle out after the wedding anyway.
Am I even right for feeling this way? Would I be an asshole for demoting her because she got too drunk?