Post op/hospital emotions?
I don’t really want to include all the specifics of my situation because they’re not very relevant to this question but I can share I am female and just had surgery this week for sterilization. I’m just trying to understand how or why I’m feeling this way.
I’m finding myself emotional about the surgery itself, or previous times I’ve been admitted (just to give birth, I’ve been super fortunate), I get very emotional about the idea of the care I’ve received from health care workers. It’s like the only place in the world that someone will take care of you unconditionally, while simultaneously the most vulnerable. I read a little about what actually happened during my procedure as an afterthought and picturing my own body like that, but only after the joking I was doing with the anesthesiologist for not giving me a warning, the nurse talking about her dog farting in the car and everyone laughing that that’d be the last thing I remember. So vulnerable, and then they each just did their jobs and kept me safe, if that makes sense.
I don’t know why but I’ve come out of every medical stay a good bit emotional over it. Like almost wishing life were that way- not that you were dealing with a medical event, but where you felt like someone had you at all times. I’ve had so much help and love this week from family and friends over a minor procedure and I’m grateful and I feel truly loved. But I am like awake at night almost feeling stress over this like break from reality of those few hours and how rare it is to feel that kind of universally held. Is that crazy? I am pretty stable and in a good place in my life so I don’t know why this happens when I go through anything medical.
I don’t even know if I’m expressing it right, it’s hard to explain. But I didn’t know if these kinds of feelings were normal after surgery? Or any hospital stay. I will admit laying around these few days and recovery is the largest break I’ve had from being the primary parent since I had my first kid almost 5 years ago and so that could possibly play a role, but I remember crying as I left the hospital with my first baby because I couldn’t believe how gentle and caring the nurses were and how I had never felt that cared for because I had never been admitted to the hospital before.
Please let me know I’m not nuts