I am feeling depressed, hopeless and suicidal
I really dk where to start.
I am a 24-year-old woman living with a narcissistic family. I currently earn 20k per month working from home, and I have been trying to find a new job for a year. I know others may be struggling more, but I can’t hold myself together anymore.
I am planning to move to a different city in July to find better opportunities and save money, but there is no certainty that I will succeed. So far, I’ve only had two interviews, and I wasn't selected. I feel like my poor mental health and anxiety are so obvious that I can't hide them. I keep imagining myself hanging from the ceiling fan in my room.
I have no one here for support. My friends are busy with their own lives and jobs, and honestly, I feel jealous. I have been trying so hard with no results, and it makes me wonder why I should even keep trying. I don't feel like this life is worth living. I’ve tried to stay positive by comparing my struggles to others, but I can't do it anymore. I don't know when things will finally turn in my favor.
My mental health is affecting my daily life. Most concerningly, I’ve started forgetting things—even important ones. I thought I was just being careless, but I realize now that I genuinely don't remember certain events or how I felt. I am so under confident and anxious that even normal conversations make me feel nervous
I’m unsure if moving out is the right decision because surviving on 20k is nearly impossible. I’ve tried praying and doing everything I can, but nothing is working. I am losing hope, and those suicidal visualizations are becoming more prominent. I don’t think I can fight this much longer.