I knew my previous relationship was toxic, even though we were together for 10 years basically from ages 22 to 32, right after college. For the longest time, I truly believed we would end up together. We built an entire life together, but deep down I always felt like I was the one fighting for the relationship.
He never really wanted to get married. There was always another excuse, another reason to wait. Even after we broke up, he’d occasionally reach out, send selfies, or do little things that made it seem like he missed me without ever actually saying it.
Eventually, I had to walk away because I realized I could have been waiting forever. Maybe if I had stayed quiet and accepted things as they were, we would’ve stayed together but I also might still be waiting for commitment that never came.
After the breakup, I spent about a year and a half single, rebuilding my life and figuring myself out. Then I met my significant other. Things were very different with him intentional, clear, and stable. He proposed within seven months, and now I’m 35 and engaged.
I feel like I love him a lot. But there’s a sense of nostalgia/like sadness attached to my past. I feel like I’m not really excited about milestones. My view of relationships and that excitement is no longer there.
The same year I broke up with my ex my brother got diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He passed away a year and a month later. It was the toughest few years of my life. He was my only sibling. In a way I feel like I lost two people. My brother who i was close to and my ex who was my friend for that long. We lived in nyc our whole 20s and we moved into the suburbs got two dogs. And then that ended and the way it did was sad.