u/Interesting_Shift527

Into my life, flood came
wiping away all the dust
but who am I to blame
for letting everything rust

I know I am all the same
Also know what I must
but I don’t feel and shame
for breaking your only trust

After the flood, came flame
started inside, left me hollow.
The fire which ate my name
will not go away today or tomorrow

The fire left only my frame
So everything is what I borrow
Myself is what I cannot tame
And no one is who I follow

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If this is my last day
tomorrow I will lay…
in a coffin… will be gray
I will have nothing to say

the abondance of last ray
Has made me one with clay
So now, in the end, I may
finally start to decay

Because I was a prey
of my own chosen way
so now I can't even stay
there shouldn't be any delay

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Wrote this one long ago...

Forever-closed eye
covered in a red dye
and I wonder, why…
do I still cry

Another day got by
and how was I?
I am not going to lie
I do want to die

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I wrote this after my dream where i saw an eye covered in blood crying(mouth screaming in out of view and saying something like in the second stanza) but then the dream went into a complete new direction(sci-fi) about destroying whole universe and removing all matter, i just wanted to say this.

In you, I am lost
Love is what I feel
Although I can't pay the cost
So with devil, I'd make a deal

To my life, you are a host
In front of you, I will kneel
Without you I am a ghost
I become completely ill

I need you like the air
when running up that hill
You don't know how much i care
While wishing it was real

My love is behind every layer
Where I hid because of my fear
But I hate that it is fair
because i deserve every tear

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i would appreciate feedback

Now that I am on my last night,
At the tunnel end, there is no light.
Even though my past was bright,
I think I am slowly losing sight.

I am so lazy for me to fight,
I am so frightened for me to flight.
Rope is on my neck, so tight,
I would let death to take a big bite...

I thought this was my last night,
now that seconds have left... was I right?
at the tunnel's end I see fear, not light.
oh... I wanna be a star and burn bright.

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The third stanza actually was a different short poem i wrote but i think it could go with this like the speaker starts to doubt if he is gonna do it or not and that is why some rhyming words are repeated. I am just sharing this but i would love a feedback.

I am feeling it in my bones,
I am poking my eyeballs out.
Take out your pretty phones,
before it finally falls out.

only thing I see are pretty cones,
take a picture, before someone calls out.
guilt comes in different tones,
now, both my guilt and eye rolls out.

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The first stanza describes how painful the process is but the speaker tells to the crowd which surrounds him ho take out their phones and it is not about attention seeking or anything, it is about guilt and that others or more people seeing him in this state will depriciate him more which is what speaker's guilt wants.
The second stanza is about how it is hard to form a thought(i said pretty cones just because it rhymed, i don't know if i can fix this). Then the last 2 lines tell the listener about the worst type of guilt which is self harm(in my opinion). At the end he feeds his guilt by taking his eyeball out

Then for once, I let you be special
unknowingly, you were not to fade
between us two, I knew lied no potential
not knowing, I’ve fallen for your shade

deterioration of me was eventual
it is just the way I am made
You were becoming essential
which made me very afraid

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My first poem about love which is unrequited. I would love to see your feedback.

My head is full of something not real,
And now I don't want to be here.
I tried to, but I couldn't heal,
And now I want to completely disappear.

My head is never going to be clear,
This was my scariest fear.
I wish I could have been ideal,
I am sorry, but it is impossible to interfere.

I never thought it would get this severe,
I am sorry I couldn't make it to see another year.
I am sorry to be the cause of your tear,
I am sorry, oh my dear.

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I feel both good and bad about this poem. It looks like i got the meaning just right(at least for myself) but i don't think the flow sounds good with how the meter is. Can anyone recommend anything?

With arms around my knees
I already cried whole seas
you don’t get me, so don’t tease
because if you do, I can’t breathe

You think a good life is what God guarantees
but now I have said a lot more than a please.
there is no one to take my hand and squeeze
Death, take me away with ease.

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I wrote this when i was sad and now i really need feedback because some lines sound too long but i think rhyming on this one was good... is it?

These atoms are liars
They do not understand
Don’t be one with their buyers
Don't do what they demand

Get rid of all your suppliers
Don't follow their command
Soon everything expires
So don't go the way it’s planned

Ignore all it requires
Don't have anything brand
Loose yourself in fires
Don't want anything grand

Truth is tangled in our wires
To the next life they transcend
Kill all the fucking criers
To the next life we descend

Link 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t0gll8/comment/oj9g3ua/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t07tjt/comment/oj9gex5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

If you want the explanation to understand what i tried to mean i would love to engage with you

I want to blow my brain,
my blood will be the rain.
it will be immediate pain,
but I would not remain.

I swear I am not insane,
Just give me a moment to explain.
Although if you put me in a chain,
I wouldn't even complain.

Just trap me somewhere plain,
somewhere that could sustain.
At least it will be better than this drain,
because, there, I would be free from this strain.

Everything is becoming what I disdain,
that's not even the feeling that is my main,
because I want to blow my brain,
my blood will be the rain.

Link 1: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t0gll8/comment/oj9g3ua/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Link 2: https://www.reddit.com/r/OCPoetry/comments/1t07tjt/comment/oj9gex5/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button