For the people who’ve experienced derealization since childhood, do you remember the first time you did it?
I’ve been experiencing derealization since childhood. It was kind of scary, but since you’re a kid, your brain adjusts to it like it’s normal. Plus if you’re a child who develops derealization/depersonalization, chances are that you have no one to speak to about it (since for children, it’s usually caused by trauma).
Anyway, I had a really abusive mother who was an addict (alcohol/cocaine). I remember constantly feeling and wishing that I could be elsewhere. One time, she dragged me by my hair and ripped a chunk off (it never grew back, I still have the bald spot). I remember there was a novela playing in the background and after it was all done, she placed rice and made me kneel on it as further punishment. During this moment, I saw the tv and wished those actors were my parents and that they could somehow save me.
I went into what felt like a deep daydream and completely disconnected from my surroundings and environment. Since then, I can recall derealization being my frequent visitor. It’s always felt like a hug from my own brain. And I don’t mean to mitigate anyone’s experience, but when you’ve had this since childhood, you really learn/know how to live with it and how to cope. Of course, sometimes the brain fog is annoying but I rather feel grateful for the derealization.
If you’ve been experiencing this since childhood, do you remember the first time you did it?