How do I [21F] get over my bottled up feelings of anger towards my boyfriend? [23M]
I know most people are gonna just say "just talk to him, tell him how you feel" but every time I try it feels like the conversation goes off kilter immediately. I've told him before that he needs to be more comfortable with me being angry, and that I'm allowed to be mad at him for stuff. But he always takes it so personally, and makes me seem like the bad guy for getting angry. I know that it's trauma related, but I feel like I've hit a point where I can't feel sympathetic towards him anymore.
This has been going on for months. So many of our arguments have just been really bad because as soon as I show that I'm angry at him for something its over. It's gotten to a point of resentment with him that I don't have the fuse to be patient with him anymore. I feel like I go from 0 to 100 so quick with my anger, and that even the smallest things he does will send me off.
How am I supposed to deal with someone who won't listen to me no matter what I say? I've thought about trying to write a letter so I can better express my feelings without being so angry, but I'm not sure if that would come off as just rude.
What really sparked this is my best friend is going through an issue with a guy at her work. She has a crush on him, but feels like shit for it and hates herself because she doesn't wanna hurt her relationships with her coworkers. I told her that the more she bottles up her feelings, the more she's going to feel them. That your brain loves the forbidden, and trying to shove down an emotion is just going to make it dominate your brain more and more. And the only way to fix it is just accept your feelings, and not feel ashamed for them.
I realized that I really needed to listen to my own advice. Lately I've had thoughts of wanting to break up with my boyfriend, or feeling a lack of attraction due to my resentment. It makes me feel shameful. I feel like I shitty partner for feeling like I lacked attraction, or that I was angry at him. Or even harboring feelings of "should we break up?" without saying anything felt like a betrayal.
The truth is, I really don't want us to be over. When I think about losing him, or not being around him anymore, I start to cry (even cried while writing this lol). I want us to work. But I can't if he won't listen to me. I just don't know how to get on his level here, and make him understand me. I know I'm not entirely innocent in this either. I've been nasty to him at times. I've never called him names or anything like that, but I can yell a lot. Or that I've just had zero fuse with him lately and I know it hurts him when I snap at small things.
TLDR: I feel like I haven't expressed my emotions to my boyfriend properly because he doesn't listen every time I try. It's caused me to be resentful and mean lately. Has anybody had a similar experience? How did you approach your partner in a way that worked for you? I just don't know how to make him listen.