u/International_Bee653

Because they would immediately get swatted

Then he got out, so she felt Dopey instead.

...except the penfish, which is supposed to be even mightier.

But the fifth one—dead Sirius.

The keeper said it was bread in captivity.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting.

Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.

The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realize that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

Was a stellar guy, terrible paramedic

It's called the civil servant - it doesn't work and it can't be fired.

But the average person would think it's mean

He made a dill with the devil

She wears nothing to take a shower

Macaque

He prefers tea-hee!

They were pirates of the car I be in.

You flatter me

If she knew that would happen, she would've chosen cremation.

Even though there's a night and day difference

A crab is fond of a new car so he goes to a car dealer.

He asks the dealer how much it will cost.

The dealer wanting to poke fun at a talking crab who wants to buy a car with no money says: "It's gonna cost you an arm and a leg!"

The crab, fancying the car, amputated his limbs before the car dealer had finished his sentence.

"So where are the keys?" Said the crab.

"The police are going to claw at you for driving with only one arm and... 7 legs!" Responded the car dealer.

The crab responded "what will the cost to get out be, an arm and a leg?"

A group of American tourists came in.

One of the Americans said, in a loud voice, "I hear you Irish think you're great drinkers. I bet $5,000 that no one here can drink 20 pints of Guinness in 30 minutes."

The bar was silent, but the American noticed one Irishman leaving. No one took up the bet.

40 minutes later, the Irishman who left returned and said, "Hey Yank, is yer bet still on?" "Sure" said the American, "20 pints in 30 minutes for a bet of $5,000 ." "Grand, " replied the Irishman, "so pour the pints and start the clock."

It was very close but the last drop was consumed with 2 seconds to spare.

OK Yank, pay up." said the Irishman.

"I'm happy to pay, here's your money" said the American. "But tell me, when I first offered the wager, I saw you leave. Where did you go?'

"Well sir", replied the Irishman, "$5,000 is a lot of money to a man like me, so I went to the pub across the road to see if I could do it.