Tired of being fucked up mess
Recently moved back to my hometown (not a shithole rather major city in the area I am from) and have lived through my first breakdown (somehow i gotta feeling that more is yet to come).
Anyways, yesterday i have deleted all my socials. Not just deactivated but deleted for a good. Im not quite sure what I really want to achieve with this but I was quite overwhelmed with everything.... I could get any hook up during the past month, people being rude or blocking me straight away, could get a chance to meet someone wether it is date, sex or just normal conversation. Or at least i could get with someone i find attractive enough.
It almost feels that my existance is all about:
- Getting a hook up to prove I am worth
- Trying to find a decent bf
Im tired of this and i want out yet i dunno what i am without this? How do i get involved into gay life and meet gay people? At this point i am not even sure that i want to do so. But then again what is the point of being gay if i will not hook up or have a decent bf?