u/Intrepid-Hero

I joined this subreddit a long time ago, when I was looking for more encouragement to write. I hoped that being part of a writing community would inspire me to keep going. It did, to some degree.

I’m no genius writer. I’m not a published novelist. I love writing, when I can get a few words in, but most of the time it’s just a hobby that I hope will reach an audience someday. I’ve done it for a long time now, and even when I first joined, I found myself unwittingly rolling my eyes once in a while.

There are many people here who dream of winning prizes while writing fan fiction (not to say there isn’t great fan fiction, but the overlap of Harry Potter smut and Nobel prize winners is rather slim). There are also young people just starting out with grand ambitions of absolutely rolling in dough. While shortsighted, I also notice the critics who spend more time writing hate posts instead of actually writing. People who, hiding behind a body of work about as significant as toilet paper, proclaim to know the Great Rules of Literature. I thought I wasn’t one of those condescending jerks. But well, here I am writing this post.

I was scrolling and had an unfortunate knee jerk reaction to a post about someone’s Transcendent Writing Experience. I rolled my eyes again sighed, caught myself, and then put myself in their shoes (and then, my foot in my own damn mouth).

I was fourteen once, discovering that I could articulate my experiences for the first time. Didn’t that feel amazing? That rush of creating something on your own. That very first moment when you read something you wrote and think “wait, this doesn’t suck that bad actually!” When was the last time I sat down, wrote something, and dreamed of someday making an impact and doing something great?

I’m writing this here in case you, like me, might be an r/writers asshole. This subreddit is filled with new writers, and you may be jaded and cynical, and some of these new writers may also sometimes lean on the naive side. But isn’t it nice to be a little naive? They are falling in love with something. They are learning and growing so fast. They feel the power of their words and want to make an impact. They believe they have something to offer the world. I’d rather believe in them than roll my eyes.

That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t share your thoughts — we’re all here to listen and share together, and it’s much better to give advice than not say anything at all. But I invite you to give them more grace and kindness, instead of putting them down (even in private). Be inspired, and maybe work to find the same enthusiasm in your own voice as they do.

There's a TLDR at the end, don't worry!

My girlfriend and I are in our mid twenties.

We started seeing each other seven months ago in a casual way, but we've never been casual - from the start she and I have gone out on dates, had deep conversations, and since February have been staying at each other's houses 4-5 days a week.

I've dated a lot, had many flings that burnt out fast and long term relationships that dragged on longer than they should. But never in my life have I felt so comfortable with someone. Being with her just feels natural, like breathing, and while I have my own life outside of our relationship, seeing her again feels like coming home.

For a lot of reasons, we both danced around labels for those first few months, laughing at ourselves for the least casual situationship known to man. She was fresh out of a dead relationship, I wanted to give both of us the space to let things grow naturally. And despite all the uncertainty on paper, we've both known we'd be together from the start.

In April, we felt ready to start actually dating. Which involved doing everything we were doing before, but calling it dates. We picked out a day for our first anniversary, because they were just too many damn birthdays in May, and basically refer to one another as girlfriends to anyone who asks (even if we'll only be official on that day).

Because we didn't start with dating, we've built such a solid friendship, too. We have a very clear share vision for the future, what we want, our priorities. We already functionally live together. She's really good at finances and massively helped me become more financially responsible. We encourage each other to pursue hobbies, expand our social lives, be more healthy. We've navigated a lot of conflict together (never fought, which isn't a bad thing, we just tend to be more prone to discussing things openly). It's really amazing to feel like you're growing alongside someone, and it's been this way from the start.

In our own way, we've danced around the topic of moving in together. We've had very serious conversations about it in the long term, and in the short term, well, it's been more of a running gag that the U-Haul is calling.

But the reality is, her living situation is awful. She still lives with her ex (same house, different rooms, as little interaction as humanly possible) which makes things really frustrating for her. Some of the roommates are incredibly unhygienic, and my girl is a neat freak. Her room is in a dingy claustrophobic basement - it's making her so visibly uncomfortable and she's always looking at apartment ads. It's impossible, however, to find a place to rent on her own in our city.

I've been wanting to move out forever. It's impossible to find a place to live in my city alone, and until recently, my finances were in a bad shape (despite making bank). Now though it's totally feasible with another person, and every week we realize more and more just how much easier it would be to live together.

The problem is, of course... well, we don't see one. Which is the problem. We've brought up so many possible points of contention, and we're just... on the same page? Division of bills, rent, ensuring we make time for ourselves and individual social lives. Neither of us feel pressured to move in together, it just feels... right? The only thing is that we couldn't possibly u-haul after being together officially for like 1-3 months. That's a dumb thing young lovebirds do when completely infatuated with each other, and we may be dumb and in love, but none of this seems motivated by recklessness or infatuation.

TLDR: My girlfriend and I are thinking of moving in together after 1-3 of being official (or 7 months unofficially depending on how you want to look at it). U-Hauling, does it ever work out?