Almost 11 Years Together... And Now He Says He's Falling Out of Love
I am 28F and my boyfriend is 29M. We have been together for almost 11 years. Ours was not an easy relationship because we belong to different castes and our families are very different socially and financially too. His family is conservative and my family had major concerns about how I would be treated there. Still, for the past 2 years, I have been fighting alone at home to convince my parents for this marriage. I rejected arranged marriage proposals because I loved him and genuinely believed we would make it through.
Things started changing this year.
He got a job in Bangalore in January. Initially he was WFH, but around mid-February he shifted there permanently. Since then things slowly became weird between us. His shift is morning and I work in an MNC from 11am-8pm, so our schedules stopped matching. Earlier we used to talk properly every day, but after he moved, during the day he barely texted and at night we would call but he would drift off to sleep mid-call almost daily. I started feeling emotionally neglected and lonely.
Then small fights started happening repeatedly.We had promised each other we would only drink together, but one day one of his friends visited him and they drank together. He did tell me, but I got very upset because I felt like he broke an emotional promise. He felt cornered and judged, and that became another huge fight.
Then later we were discussing buying a property in our hometown someday. Maybe I framed things badly, but he felt like I was expecting him to buy everything alone and got hurt thinking I don't understand his pressure. Again another fight.
All this while, I was still fighting at home for us. He knew that. My parents finally started agreeing recently and wanted to meet him this weekend (15th May). I told my mom and she asked me to invite him home. When I asked him, he suddenly got angry and said I cannot order him around. I genuinely did not even realize I sounded demanding. I video called him and tried explaining, and eventually he said fine but not this week because he would go out with family on Sunday. I asked if he could come Saturday instead and he agreed, but another fight happened after that and then he completely stopped calling or texting me.
Finally this morning I messaged asking why he had not called even once. That is when everything broke.
He told me he does not think this relationship is working anymore. He said he thinks I will not be able to adjust with his family, that I am selfish, that I always hurt him, that I don't think before speaking, that I am sadistic, not expressive enough, and that somewhere he always knew this marriage may not
work.
I was shocked because until recently we were discussing marriage, future plans, property, timelines etc. I asked him why he never clearly told me all this before if he felt this way for so long. I even said I could try to change and work on things, but he said he feels like he is falling out of love and needs 5 days to think. But he also clearly said he does not want marriage right now.
I feel completely shattered because I genuinely loved him through everything. There was even a time in the relationship where he kind of cheated and I still stayed because I loved him that much.
Now I genuinely don't know what to do.
Do people really fall out of love like this after almost 11 years?
Should I give him those 5 days and hope?
Or am I just delaying the inevitable?
I have barely slept, I keep checking my phone hoping he texts, and my mind is constantly replaying every conversation wondering where exactly things broke.
I am desperate for honest advice because right now I feel completely lost.