[NSFW] I think my married dad's a porn addict
I apologise if this ends up being a lengthy post, I have too much on my mind and have a difficult time writing about it
some background context:
I'm a teenager nearing the end of high school and I live at home with both of my parents. my dad works in-person half of the time, from home the other half, and has a workstation in our living room. I won't be providing any extensive information related to my personal life or anyone's identity, because I want this to interfere with my (or anyone mentioned in this text's) personal life as little as it possibly could.
I don't really know where to talk about this or who to talk about it with; if I talk to anyone in-person about it then 1) it might spread or 2) they've met my dad and it'll affect the way they see him, and I wouldn't talk to anyone I know online about it because I feel like venting about a topic like this (given I pretty much never feel the need to seriously "vent" to anyone, and if I do, I talk to my friends in-person about it) is "too much" for someone I don't know in real life, it would be more of just telling them for the sake of telling them.
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since the summer of 2025, I've "caught" my dad watching or "having" porn four times. the first time was over summer break - I was having issues with my old desktop, so my dad gave me a laptop that he used for work as a device for me to use for schoolwork and other purposes in the meantime. I was grateful, of course, but when I opened the notepad app in the laptop's taskbar, I saw a couple existing tabs that I guess he forgot to close before giving me the laptop. almost all of the tabs had work-related content in them, but I saw one of them had "hotmilfsfuck sienna" typed in it. I didn't think much of it at first, I thought it was pretty weird given he's married to and lives with my mother, but I forgot about it not very long afterward, though the thought still lingered in my mind.
the next time it happened was a little while after the school year had begun - I think I was on a break because I remember my mom being asleep in their bedroom and that it was late at night; I left my room to ask my dad about something, because he was at his computer and I thought he was working (he has a small-ish workstation in our living room). I guess he didn't see me come in, since it was late and no lights were on, and he quickly closed or switched off of the tab when he saw me. I wasn't really attentive to the video, I only saw a very quick glimpse of it, and it looked pretty clearly like a naked woman riding a naked man's dick. he wasn't jerking off or anything to it (at least not yet), I think he was doing work with the porn tab open on his second monitor. I'm not sure if he saw me see it, but again, I forgot about it after one or two weeks, though the thought lingered in my mind, and the more I thought about it, the weirder I realised it was that he was watching porn while married to and living with my mother, and that she probably doesn't know.
that wasn't the last time - it happened again on the first day of my Thanksgiving break, when my dad gave me a different desktop he had bought years ago (along with my first one). I was overjoyed when I received it. as I turned it on, I had this moment of deja vu right before opening the notepad app - and I was right - the opening tab had not just one, but like rows of pornhub names and URLs / websites. there were other tabs opened, but I chose not to open them, and to delete their corresponding text files - I didn't want to upset myself right after being gifted a desktop, I wanted to get straight to transferring everything from the laptop I had used in the meantime. this time I forgot about it after like a month - I still thought it was weird, but on none of these occasions had I said anything, because I didn't know how to bring it up and because I didn't want to worsen my relationship with my father, as I was "rebuilding" it after an incident that I had that previous September.
between then and a few days ago, I almost entirely forgot about any of these situations happening - I would think about them once every few weeks, if that often. this changed just the other day, when I was having issues with one of the outlets in my room. my mom was busy with something in their bedroom, my dad working at his workstation in our living room. this time, my dad saw me walking toward him to ask my question, and he covered the tab with whatever pornographic material he had open on his monitor with a regular Google tab or something (I wasn't looking at that), but I could see the advertisements on each side, containing muscular men and naked women (which I guess he forgot to cover, or thought I wouldn't notice). while asking my question, I kinda froze because I looked at his monitor and saw these advertisements, but I tried to play it off like I lost my train of thought for a separate reason (though I'm not sure if he knows that I noticed). we went to my room to fix the problem with my outlet, and I acted oblivious to what I just saw. my outlet's still faulty, but that's besides the point. after he left my room and went back to his workstation, I spent a couple minutes not doing anything but thinking about what I just saw and trying to like convince myself that I was imagining things - I think this is the moment when the possibility of my dad being a porn addict hit me.
I then recounted, four times has this happened. I thought about it all night; for some reason, this time it hit me way harder than any other time that I just mentioned, and it hasn't left my mind even once for the past few days. I haven't been "sad" worrying about it, but more concerned and disgusted / weirded out, and worried for my mom and what would happen if she found out. I don't plan to blackmail him about it for my own benefit - I don't know if people actually do that, or if it only happens on social media skits / TV - but I am a bit anxious about what my mom would experience if she knew, and what would happen to our family dynamic. I've always envied other families, especially the relationships between other parents, for being "normal" - this could be all in my head, but my dad doesn't really talk to my mom, and I feel like they live more like roommates than spouses; when the three of us go places, it's usually my mother and I that end up talking, I feel much more safe talking about personal things relating to relationships, personal growth, interests, or my future with my mother, I'm able to hold a conversation much easier with my mother, they sit on opposite sides of the couch when they watch movies or shows together. I don't know if this is normal, I've never seen any of my friends' parents have this sort of relationship if they're married. they don't even argue much, but as a pre-teen I would to worry that my parents would divorce for whatever reason, and the possibility's been in my head for years.
I really don't know how to feel about this, or what to do - obviously I find it disgusting and weird, especially since that's my own dad, but I couldn't imagine to put myself in my mom's shoes if she were to find out. as aforementioned, I haven't been able to get this whole thing off my mind - in school, with friends, while alone I think about it, and I can't look at him the same anymore. I don't really know if I respect my dad less because of this; he is my dad and I still love him along with all the things he's done for me (and I'm forever indebted to him for giving me such a good childhood), but how I see him as a person is being subconsciously altered because of this repeated occurrence. I'm not sure what I'm getting at here. help or advice of any sort would be appreciated. thank you for your time