Update: Still here and Thank you
Hey everyone, 6 months ago I posted on here at an extremely low point of life that felt the most mentally dark and the tunnel vision was so intense it became claustrophobic. (Link to post https://www.reddit.com/r/GuyCry/s/bQ130tcmdK here if anyone wants context)
First and foremost: a massive thank you to everyone in the comments and that DM'd me with support, the advice was monumental in snapping me out of the funk I was in and the care I felt from being personally messaged is indescribable. Apologies for not responding with anything, I'm not overly familiar with Reddit and have an easier time talking with people face to face instead of online which leads me to my update.
I did sit down with my partner when she got back and it got heated again from a mutual apathetic attitude we held for one another at that point, at then suddenly all at once it hit me seeing a potential future without her, my best friend, in my life with her no longer looking at me with kindness, with my son having to learn a dynamic I never went through and would have no clue how to relate or teach from personal experiences, and how no matter what path in life I went down I'd feel alone inside if I wasn't making it work with her. I hated these images and knew I needed to snap out of whatever I was in because I didn't want that to be where it all ended. To which I broke down in tears at that point and said all of that to her which I think broke through the shell she had retreated into
We both took a step back and after collecting our thoughts we both apologised to one another and our son in his sleep had a giggle which wrapped everything up with a smile as it was so precious to see. We ended up addressing the major concerns when we went to professional couples counseling and we've had some follow up appointments too and it has certainly helped with putting everything in a better perspective as well as getting past the mistranslations in our communication with one another. Lots of forgiveness on both sides being worked on successfully and strategies to sort any issues we have at home in a calmer manner.
It's insane to look back and see how I was feeling only a couple of months back but honestly it feels like that was eternity ago now. My son is crawling around like crazy, loves to be carried which is getting harder cause he's twice the size of every other baby his age and his development seems to be progressing so quickly and I'm so glad I've been able to be here to be apart of it every step of the way.
If I could say anything to any man out there who may be where I was or is an expecting father - do take post partum seriously, the resources are out there to help and it's worth going. There is no prize for being able to tough it out but there is a reward in seeing your child giggle and your partner feeling security when they're going through the hardest moments of they're life. Thank you again everyone.