Senior year has been really difficult for me
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I had much higher expectatSenior year has been really difficult for me (18F)ions for myself this year, and I’m really disappointed in how things turned out. Looking back, I feel like I made a lot of bad decisions, and I’ve been upset with myself lately.
I should’ve completed my university applications earlier, but I didn’t, so now I’m applying through regular admission and waiting for updates. The program I want usually requires around an 88% average, while I currently have a 75%, so I’ve been really stressed about getting accepted.
A lot of my confidence came from academics, so seeing my grades drop has affected me more than I expected. I thought I’d finish the year with an 88%, but things didn’t go the way I planned.
I failed my math diploma, which dropped my mark from a 90% to a 75%, and my chemistry mark is around a 70%. Lately, it feels like no matter how hard I try, I keep struggling academically. I go to a self-directed high school, and I honestly don’t think that environment works well for me.
I also feel really behind compared to the people around me. One of my friends is valedictorian and successful in basically everything, while I feel like I’ve struggled just trying to keep up this year.
This has been one of the hardest years of my life. It feels like everyone around me is doing well while I’m still trying to figure everything out. Even simple assignments take me hours, and I still end up unhappy with them afterward.
I also realized I applied for the wrong thing at one of my backup universities, which made me feel even worse.
Most of my hope is resting on my main university application, which is already competitive. I’ve also been dealing with a lot of pressure as the oldest daughter in an African household, and it’s been difficult emotionally.
I think what hurts most is that I had really high hopes for myself this year. Instead of proving something to myself academically, I’ve just felt lost, stressed, and overwhelmed for a long time.
Sorry if this sounds emotional. I’ve been holding this in for a while and needed somewhere to say it.