Watching S2E9 “Beefsquatch”, and I had a thought. Would Skip like Bob’s Every Breath You Tikka Masala Burger? Since Bob seemed to have the ingredients to craft together an interesting flavor with the coconut milk, I wonder if he also has his own blend of spices to make the sauce. I’m getting he would had his own thoughts and a helpful critique of it but Skip would probably be supportive.
Idk if this is allowed or relevant. I’ve been cutting myself since I was 17-18, and I still do it today in my 40s. But lately I find myself wanting to drink way more than I usually do: I have a glass or two a week, nothing too strong. The urge to drink is getting stronger. I don’t have much in my house rn but idk if I’ll keep it that way. The few times I’ve been drunk feel wonderful, and I know that’s not a good thing.
I don’t think I need AA, but idk appreciate any advice. Thank you <3
Where do you folks buy your user name stamps? I see them mostly on meet up cards, and I think I’d like to order one so I don’t have to write my postcrossing user name on every card.
I have always disliked any media, autobiographical or fictional or whatever, that shows how someone has persevered and gotten better because it’s not realistic for someone like me. I don’t know and I don’t understand how anyone gets better.
I’ve tried therapy multiple times with multiple therapists. I’m on meds. I’ve tried losing weight, cutting out most junk food, drinking more water, walking more, spending time with friends, using art and writing as tools. But still I’m stuck. Still I cut myself.
I’m starting to develop what I can only imagine is body dysmorphia. I hate my body, I hate having body memories from sexual assault as a child. I hate that I was bullied by everyone, from kids to adults, about my weight. Since middle school everyone has needed to make rude comments about my body and how it’s a bad body because it’s fat. I was a size 10 and a size 16 at the end of high school. I hate that everyone to inks they can just have access to my body like that.
I hate going to see doctors so I’ve mostly stopped going because once again, it’s all about my weight. I had terrible back pain that was attributed to my weight so I lost 80 pounds. The pain persisted and someone finally let me have the xray I had been begging for. But it was just my weight, right? I hate going to the obgyn. It’s a traumatic experience for me. It feels like how I felt when I was 4 years old and a stranger was on my bed with me. I can’t do it anyone. I’m triggered just by driving past the office and seeing their logo.
I hate every piece of myself. I hate my face, my eyes, my mouth, my teeth. I hate my arms and legs and belly. I hate the way I walk. I hate that I can see people whispering when I walk by. I hate feeling paranoid. I hate being alive. Living alone and rarely leaving my apartment except to go to work or the shops makes me feel much safer. I hate leaving my apartment. I hate being around people.
Cutting myself is the one thing that makes me stop thinking or feeling, even if just for a minute. Everyone always tells me I make them sad, that they worry about me. But then they flip and start yelling at me to get better, lose more weight, get more help. No one who ever hurt me was ever punished the way I’ve been punished.
How do people get better? Is all a ruse? A falsehood? Fake positivity to sell movies and books? Why am I stuck? I want to get better. But no matter what I do or how I look, my existence just seems to be everyone’s problem.