u/InvertedPickleTaco

Okay, so I'm not going to go too far into it but I'm supposed to have a minimum of 3 hours a week with my kids. In fact, the judges order states it's a bare minimum of 3 hours, with the expectation of much more time and she cannot refuse the time I ask for without a very good reason.

Unfortunately, she has found every way to delay this process. We had an incident, and the court is still trying to decide if it was violent or not. No one was hurt. I did something incredibly stupid in a moment of psychosis after realizing she had decided to take my kids away permanently without a court order. As a result, and because of the hearsay of the police who she has a working relationship with, there is an order in two courts that I can't communicate with her or the children even indirectly. This will all change when one specific order, an emergency order, is dropped which is extremely likely.

However, I learned today that she has chosen not to submit an affidavit to defend her order. In Canada, in a EPO Court, they give extensions at will and don't really care what other courts say. Bottom line, I have now been 4 weeks without any contact with my children and she is refusing any updates. Court has ordered another 2 week delay as she decided not to submit an affidavit. The court admits the evidence is hearsay, but won't do anything about it. I'm venting because she continues to blame me for many things including delaying the divorce, which I never did (and ironically she is now doing.) Now, she is refusing to address her EPO for as long as possible, even though she hired a lawyer to defend it and filed her attempt to take away my kids permanently within hours of the incident. It's funny how that works. All I want is an update, or some time with my kids, as she has tried desperately to alienate them from me in a way the court will accept. Instead, she's playing victim and winning in court through inaction.

Bottom line, I hate that someone who constantly calls me a narcissist and scummy person is being allowed to do this and appears to be as happy as a pig in shit about it. What's worse is her family lawyer eggs her on, and she defends their actions as "protecting her interests."

I am a done with this bullshit as I'm trying to heal and process everything she has done in the last two months.

Okay, so first off, I have mental health conditions which I've managed until this period extremely well.

I met my ex in 2012. We had a whirlwind romance. I now realize she was desperate to settle down and make babies, but I kind of was too. On our first big trip outside of the country, one of her friends told her (after only 5 months) that I was probably going to pop the question. In the hotel the night before the flight, she asks me if I'm still hurt from my last marriage, I tell her it's still hard to completely feel I'm worth it. Both my ex and I cheated, I found out she was having two affairs so I found someone too, and it imploded. No love lost that time though, it was a situation where we both knew we had faults.

She takes that as a lack of trust. She's cold until we get to our hotel at the destination. She gets sloshed, ends up crying in public that I didn't ask her to marry me, and I ask her. It was her fault, my responsibility was to say no and I didn't.

Fast forward, we didn't have a normal marriage. Let's just leave it as she had more men than I can count. At first it was something we did for each other, she had zero fun in college and wanted to experience things. Within a few years she completely stopped finding me anything.

January 2024, she says I broke rules and we're done. Full disclosure, she had often broke rules, I didn't call it out though. We spend 8 months in R. She gave up after 3 months, never told me, and spent the rest trash talking me on FB and Reddit. Heck, my parents sent us to meet my extended family across the country all expenses paid. She was a nightmare the whole trip, spent most nights sleeping with our kids with the excuse they were scared. When we land at home, the first thing she does is hop on Reddit again. I've had enough, so I check her Reddit, and she's filing. I ask her, completely calm after the kids go to bed, for the truth. She tells me I'm being served ASAP. I ask a few questions. She ends the conversation by saying she's, "scared of me," when I've never done anything of the sort.

Like I said, I have mental health issues, so this puts me into a tailspin. We have kids, a life, a home, pets, etc. I end up checking into the hospital, voluntarily, to get my head straight in a safe place. A few days in I'm starting to grieve. Then she shows up, tells my social worker she still loves me, and tells me to move back in again. The next four months I think are R, for her it's more Reddit slamming and pushing me away. What did make me upset, she would constantly let me massage her and she would constantly be naked in the home. When she kicks me out, she tells me it was her intentionally taunting me because she wanted to hurt me. Oh, and tries once to kick me out earlier. I pack up, no drama. She tells me to stay. A few weeks later, she won't even talk to me, I ask her why. After a few days she finally tells me her lawyer is kicking me out. What a bitch move. I end up bouncing my head off the door, I should not have done that, but she flips and says that's abusing her and to leave. I do. This is all in December.

Over Christmas we get close again, but I'm living with my parents. We do 50/50 on the kids. January comes around and she goes completely cold again.

The divorce is terrible. My lawyer wants to negotiate. Hers wants to play some weird passive aggressive bullshit. I addressed my debt when she first told me about the divorce. I had no access to any digital records after that. She says I stole $140K from us, even though her line was always, "do whatever you have to do, I'll support you." Anyway, she absolutely scams me on the house, cars, etc. I have a huge payment, but I'm at this point deep in an attachment disorder, and let it all happen hoping for some weird future she keeps saying maybe too.

Eventually after a year of that, we sign. It's not the worse divorce agreement, she did give in on a few things but not much. She has a sense of entitlement since she's a legal secretary and thinks she knows everything. I'd somewhat buy that, but she even told me once she has nothing to do with negotiations, she just files paperwork. That's when things blow up. I get it into my mentally messed up head that we're friends and I can win her back. Oh, this whole time I've been watching the kids whenever she needs. Kids want a banana at 10 PM, I'm there. She wants to work at her volunteer first responder job at 2 AM, I volunteer. She needs a gym break, yup, I'm there ASAP.

She's been very flakey this whole process. She will often forget what she promises. She'll be my ear one day, then grey rock me the next. I often tell her it's killing me but she keeps it rolling, while recording everything to take my kids away one day because "I'm mentally ill for feeling darkness."

The first major issue, one month after the separation, I find Bumble in the app store on my kids tablet because it's linked to her phone. I call her, breakdown, and she says it's just for friends and that she won't date for a long time and not during the divorce. One year later, right after the ink dries on the paperwork, a friend tells me she's on Bumble looking for "seeing where things go," and, "a long term relationship." When I ask her, she flips, tells me I'm creeping on her. I tell her we had a promise, she lies and says it never happened. She does scream that she isn't dating or messing around with anyone. Then I find her Tinder. You know, the type of hungry Tinder that makes me go WTF? Piling on, when I'm doing laundry for her at our former house that's now hers, her computer screen is flashing. It turns out she's been hanging out with some new guy for at least a month, chatting for hours and hours. The last straw? I had asked her and she promised many times that the details of our sex life would stay private in our small town. Did she do that, nope, guess again. She told all her coworkers, and some randoms too, that I'm gay and a whole bunch of other things. I snap like a wet branch, attempt suicide, and end up in hospital again. Then she comes somewhat clean. The new guy? Yeah, she's been "watching movies," alone with him. The best part, he's a married swinger and she acts like that's also no big red flag lol.

Eventually I breakdown again. I blow up over text and finally say all the shit I'm holding in. She calls the police, and back into the hospital I go. When I get out, she won't let me see our kids. I try to support her, say let's try that for a few weeks. After a few weeks, I'm still getting no real time with them alone or at my parents place. She reveals her lawyer told her not to let me have the kids at all. I keep my cool, which surprises her (WTF again.) One night, while at the gym, she messages me for "emergency childcare," the next night. Now, that afternoon, I hung out with the kids while she napped. Around Christmas, we would nap together, so I ask if she's interested and she laughs me off. I felt wrecked, so I ask back if everything is okay. She won't reply. I text 2-3 times over two hours, saying I'll do it but I'd appreciate a reply. She tells me her parents have it. I wet branch snap again, go over to the house after warning her (we had a policy I could walk in after a text warning to her), and it turns out she told the kids to hide and lock their door. She calls the cops, no warning, I calmly ask to hug them before leaving. She says "only if they'll open the door, but they're terrified of you." I leave. The Police don't charge me, and tell me not to go back that night or I'll be trespassed.

I'm going to skip what happened the next day. It's bad, not like I hurt her or worse bad, but let's say I'm on anti-psychotics at this point and do something incredibly stupid.

I'm in the hospital again, now with charges. What does she do? She literally files to have all my parental rights and contact removed except a couple of hours of visitation at the YMCA a week. Her rationale? I'm delusional, she's been abused because I text her my feelings, and one non-violent incident means I can never parent the kids again. She even tries to have the court add this right to the agreement we already signed, to try and make it permanent. Hell, one of her arguments is that asking her by text after learning what she's said about me, "how would you like it if I did that," was apparently a mortal threat! My lawyer tells me with the mental health stuff I need to heal, and need space, so he figures out a deal where I lose no rights but I don't get to see my kids for a while. She gets an EPO, so I have to deal with that, and obviously with family related charges I have to get that sorted too.

Anyway, thanks for the space to rant. I've done a lot of self healing. I'm still deeply in love with her, but it's more now that I realize how much I miss the family aspect. Her, well, all I hear is her voice yelling at me constantly, like she always did. I'm working one day at a time. I know the feelings will keep fading, but it's tough sometimes. I take fault for letting this all happen and my part in it. My responsibility is to move on, get my mental health back in order, and get my kids back. Her lawyer is the end all be all of bitches, heck she threatened me again on Friday. I've told my legal team, I added a few members, to protect my interests. I'm not her, I'm not a vindictive person. My hope is one day to get back to coparenting, maybe she'll heal one day and stop making thousands (yes, I've seen them) of memes about me being a narcist then move on with her life. I doubt it, but who knows.