Accepting that I'm just... More disabled.
I was diagnosed with Level 1 Autism (no ADHD, speech delay, or intellectual disability) almost two years ago. I don't relate to a lot of the late-diagnosed women who can mask their symptoms. I had many odd outbursts at school, usually triggered by other kids doing something I thought was unfair. I'd feel drained when everyone would talk in class, and had trouble even following rules because I didn't understand.
My uneven IQ (got tested as part of diagnosis) was the first sign that I'm not the type I see online: 98th percentile in verbal comprehension, and average in everything else. I had some of the typical "gifted" experiences—honors classes, getting into a magnet program that messed up my mental health in high school, and finishing college a little early. But I can't do any STEM subject very well, and can't work a retail job.
I tried twice. I walked out of my first job after two weeks because a coworker got angry with me for "asking too many specific questions" (I was still training and I'm not one of those people that can learn by just watching or jumping in). The second job, I was constantly dealing with sensory overload and almost lost my job after getting so overwhelmed I just ran off. Then I had to officially resign after having one of those outbursts with a particularly rude customer. Both were part-time. I had so much trouble with customers, and management thought my difficulties with social cues were just me not wanting to do my job.
I thought The Good Doctor was exaggerated because of what high masking people say online until I started working... I absolutely felt like him in those jobs. Lol 🤷🏾♀️ I have to get off social media because of the amount of high masking women with careers had me questioning what's wrong with me, even though I knew I had trouble in public school constantly (as opposed to the "pleasure to have in class" stereotype of autistic women). I currently don't have close friends and communicating even with my household is super hard sometimes. I'm not emotionally intelligent or hyperempathetic. I even have trouble in the grocery store because I can unintentionally get in people's way and not read body language well. Sometimes I talk way too loud.
Tl;dr: I'm struggling with the fact that even mild autism is a spectrum, because I'm less mild than other late-diagnosed women I've met and see online. Especially struggling with being compared to people with all-around high IQs when only my verbal IQ is high.