I’ve lived here now for about three years, today was the first time I realized that there’s a Barnes and Noble right past Harlem and Lake. I’m kind of in disbelief. Has this been here forever or is it new?
About 3.5 years ago I dated a colleague for about two months. There’s no rules about not dating colleagues if they’re not in direct supervision of you,so it happens quite often in my industry. The main rule is that you can only ask someone once. Also, in 4 months I would not be working with him any longer. There was a chance that in the future we would, but at the time I knew we wouldn’t for at least another year while I was on a different project. And still, we said we would keep the relationship between us and not talk about it with others to keep it as professional as possible.
So we only dated for about two months because he seemed very immature/shady etc so I broke it off. And he and I kept our word to keep it between us. Then 2 years later(1 year ago from today)when we are still no longer working together, I get a call from a woman that I was working with at the time, until she quit unexpectedly a month prior. She’s being rude because she found out that me and the old coworker used to date, and she believes that he was seeing us both at the time. She is mad at me because she thinks that I knew this. I tell her that I didn’t know that they ever dated, she couldn’t confirm when they started dating to see if there was overlap or he quickly just started dating someone else, and she quit her job because she was mad that he didn’t get hired for that project, before she knew she was potentially getting two timed. I suspect that they got in a fight and he used that as something to throw in her face.
Anyways, after that I blocked them both. I didn’t think there was anything to bring to HR because they both didn’t work with me. Now currently, I am back at the job where this all started for a new project. Both of them are still not working with me. The girl has been pretty much blackballed for walking off on a job with zero notice. And the man didn’t have a great work reputation to begin with and just hasn’t been offered work. I’ve believed everything to be fine until people that I’ve worked with and around for years have started to treat me differently. Like having after work events I’m usually invited to, and not inviting me. But the biggest thing is that when speaking to a colleague he mentioned how boring the office can be at times. I was agreeing until he said to me. “The only thing to do is start drama and have sex.” It was such an odd comment to make, because that’s just not language I would use at work, or that he has ever used with me. I made a face then left the conversation weirded out. The next day he saw me again and mentioned the colleague I used to date, for two months, years ago. Again, another odd comment. And to mention, me and this colleague I dated never had sex, not that I think that it matters, but just that it never happened. Then a week later, after literal years of not seeing this man, I get a text asking if I can call him because it’s important. If this was a normal ex, I would not think to call. But I feel like he’s been spreading rumors to my colleagues about me and this has something to do with it. Last thing to note, is the colleague that said the nothing to do but have sex comment, has asked me out before and I declined.
I’m looking for advice because is it possible to complain to HR about someone you don’t work with anymore? Our industry is kind of small, so I know for a fact he hasn’t worked in it since we last worked together years ago. And I think he is mad that I’ve worked consistently since then and is trying to sabotage my advancement since he can’t hurt the people that aren’t hiring him. And am I right to not call him back? Is there anything possible to gain from speaking with him? Like knowing that he in fact has been contacting my colleagues?