u/Iriahthehealer

Hey everyone. As the title says this is more of a rant based ob my (and my girlfriends ) experiences as single women.
Am I the only one who feels like the modern dating scene has turned into a completely soulless dumpster fire?

I’m looking for a serious relationship—something real. But no matter where you look, the same dynamic repeats itself over and over again:

On the apps: The classic "let's just go with the flow" line (translation: I have no idea what I want, but I’m keeping 5 options open in case something 'better' pops up). You get treated like a product in a mail-order catalog. People hoard parallel conversations, running on pure ego and offering absolutely zero commitment.

In real life: You’d think skipping the apps and meeting people in the wild would be an improvement, like everyone told me to do … but nope. They just skip the pleasantries altogether. A guy approaches me, and within one hour at the bar he has the urgency to go home with me when I had not talked about sex at all.. Yesterday was the absolute cherry on top: a married guy with a kid back in Holland, visiting my country, on vacation and completely obsessed with using me as his one-night entertainment. Zero respect for his family, and zero respect for me….he pursued hard lol.

Then, also in the apps, there are the guys who straight-up lie and manipulate—pure dopamine junkies obsessed with intensity, the thrill of the hunt, and the high of the conquest. They pretend to be deeply invested, sell you a whole fake narrative for a few weeks, and play with your feelings just to get their fix. Then, the second the novelty wears off, they completely disappear and ghost you out of nowhere. It's the same story when they ask for your phone number or Instagram: you give it to them thinking there's real interest, and suddenly they go cold, stop replying, or just fade away after getting their quick ego boost or getting a new follower … wtf.

My takeaway from all this is that people are being treated like disposable fast-fashion products. Quick hits of cheap dopamine, short-term pleasure, and then onto the next. There is zero genuine interest in learning who the person in front of you actually is—what they think, how they feel, or what they bring to the table as a human being. It’s like basic empathy has gone extinct, leaving behind a sea of adults addicted to instant gratification, ego validation, and low-effort sex.

When did it become totally acceptable to treat human beings like paper towels? Is it actually impossible nowadays to find a mature adult who isn't hopelessly hooked on novelty?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Hey everyone. This is more of a rant of my own experiences…, but am I the only one who feels like the modern dating scene has turned into a completely soulless dumpster fire?

I’m looking for a serious relationship—something real. But no matter where you look, the same dynamic repeats itself over and over again:

On the apps: The classic "let's just go with the flow" line (translation: I have no idea what I want, but I’m keeping 5 options open in case something 'better' pops up). You get treated like a product in a mail-order catalog. People hoard parallel conversations, running on pure ego and offering absolutely zero commitment.

In real life: You’d think skipping the apps and meeting people in the wild would be an improvement, like everyone told me to do … but nope. They just skip the pleasantries altogether. A guy approaches me, and within one hour at the bar he has the urgency to go home with me when I had not talked about sex at all.. Yesterday was the absolute cherry on top: a married guy with a kid back in Holland, visiting my country on vacation and completely obsessed with using me as his one-night entertainment. Zero respect for his family, and zero respect for me.. he pursued hard lol.

Then there are the guys on apps who straight-up lie and manipulate—pure dopamine junkies obsessed with intensity, the thrill of the hunt, and the high of the conquest. They pretend to be deeply invested, sell you a whole fake narrative for a few weeks, and play with your feelings just to get their fix. Then, the second the novelty wears off, they completely disappear and ghost you out of nowhere (happened in August). It's the same story when they ask for your phone number or Instagram: you give it to them thinking there's real interest, and suddenly they go cold, stop replying, or just fade away after getting their quick ego boost or getting a new follower … wtf.

My takeaway from all this is that people are being treated like disposable fast-fashion products. Quick hits of cheap dopamine, short-term pleasure, and then onto the next. There is zero genuine interest in learning who the person in front of you actually is—what they think, how they feel, or what they bring to the table as a human being. It’s like basic empathy has gone extinct, leaving behind a sea of adults addicted to instant gratification, ego validation, and low-effort sex.

When did it become totally acceptable to treat human beings like paper towels? Is it actually impossible nowadays to find a mature adult who isn't hopelessly hooked on novelty?

I’d love to hear your thoughts.

I’m posting this because I genuinely need some outside perspective. I’m trying to understand whether I’m missing something here, because the way this happened makes absolutely no sense to me.
I met this guy about 4 weeks ago. We had seen each other around 10–12 times (quite often 2–3 dates per week), and although it was still very early, there was clearly mutual interest and we were getting closer.
From the very beginning, he was the one pursuing me very strongly.
He would constantly text me and call me. He was very affectionate, warm and attentive. He told me he really liked me, said very sweet things to me, and repeatedly showed interest in getting to know me better.
Just two days ago, he was talking about sharing his hobbies with me if I went with him on a trip he had planned in a few days. He was also making plans to do things together in the future.
He gave me the impression that he was genuinely excited about me and about where things could go.
I always said yes to “everything”, I was also very affectionate with him, and was genuinely communicative about my feelings and my interest in him.
I was not chasing him or demanding his attention. I’m a mature woman of 43, and he is 36. Quite often, he was the one initiating contact.
In fact, sometimes I would take two or three hours to answer a WhatsApp message because I was busy, and on some occasions he would actually send me something like “hello???” or essentially ask what was going on and why I wasn’t answering.
So this was not a situation where I was desperately trying to get his attention while he was distant.
Then yesterday morning, something completely changed.
He sent me a good morning video, and he also called me. Everything seemed completely normal.
And then, some hours later, I opened Instagram and discovered that he had apparently blocked and then unblocked me overnight. I realized this because I had been removed as his follower, he had unfollowed me, and I could no longer see his profile picture in the messages we had previously exchanged.
That’s how I found out.
I texted him on WhatsApp to ask what had happened. I was genuinely nice about it. I wasn’t angry or aggressive. I simply wanted an explanation.
He gave me no explanation. No argument. Nothing.
He simply stopped communicating with me, removed/deleted me from social media, and stopped answering my calls.
I was completely blindsided.
His profile is public and he has shared stories since then, so yes, his phone is not lost or sitting at the bottom of the sea lol.
I genuinely don’t understand what could have happened between the moment he sent me a good morning video and called me, and the moment he apparently decided he wanted nothing more to do with me.
And that’s what is driving me crazy.
What the hell do you think happened here?
Do you think he was simply pretending to be interested all along, possibly just for sex?
He genuinely cared about my experience and my sexuality and was not selfish at all, I must say. The chemistry and the vibes between us were very intense.
Could someone genuinely behave this way for several weeks and then suddenly switch off overnight?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me “he’s an asshole” (although, honestly, I’m not going to object 😂).
I genuinely want to understand what could possibly explain this behavior, because from my perspective, the complete 180° turn is what I cannot make sense of.
Why do some people refuse to give an explanation to someone they seemed to genuinely care about?
I’m heartbroken. 💔
I hadn’t been intimate with anyone for more than a year because I was trying to avoid getting involved with the wrong kind of people… and now this happens.

I’m posting this because I genuinely need some outside perspective. I’m trying to understand whether I’m missing something here, because the way this happened makes absolutely no sense to me.
I met this guy about 4 weeks ago. We had seen each other around 10-12 times (quite often 2-3 dates per week), and although it was still very early, there was clearly mutual interest and we were getting closer.
From the very beginning, he was the one pursuing me very strongly.
He would constantly text me and call me. He was very affectionate, warm and attentive. He told me he really liked me, said very sweet things to me, and repeatedly showed interest in getting to know me better. He talked about sharing his hobbies with me literally two days ago if I would go with him to a trip he had in some days, he planned too on doing things together. He gave me the impression that he was genuinely excited about me and about where things could go. I always said yes to “everything”, was also very affectionate with him and truly communicative in my feelings and true interest.

I was not chasing him or demanding his attention.l (I’m a mature woman of 43 ,he is 36). Quite often, he was the one initiating contact.
In fact, sometimes I would take two or three hours to answer a WhatsApp message because I was busy, and on some occasions he would actually send me something like “hello???” or essentially ask what was going on and why I wasn’t answering.
So this was not a situation where I was desperately trying to get his attention while he was distant.

Then yesterday morning, something completely changed.

He sent me a good morning video, and he also called me. Everything seemed completely normal.
And then, some hours later I entered in instagram and found out he blocked me and unblocked me overnight since I was removed as his follower and he unfollowed me too, I couldn’t see his profile picture in the messages we had previously exchanged.. that’s how I found out!
I texted him in WhatsApp to know what happened, truly nice, just wanted an explanation..
He gave me No explanation. No argument.
He simply stopped communicating with me, removed/deleted me from social media, and stopped answering my calls.
I was completely blindsided.
His profile is public and he has shared stories so yes his phone is not lost or at the bottom of the sea lol.
I genuinely don’t understand what could have happened between the moment he sent me a good morning video and called me, and the moment he apparently decided he wanted nothing more to do with me.

And that’s what is driving me crazy..
What the hell do you think happened here?
Do you think he was simply pretending to be interested all along for sex?. He truly cared about my sexuality and was not egoistic at all I must say.. the vibes were very intense.
Could someone genuinely behave this way for some weeks and then suddenly switch off overnight?

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me “he’s an asshole” (although, honestly, I’m not going to object).
I genuinely want to understand what could possibly explain this behavior, because from my perspective, the complete 180° turn is what I cannot make sense of.
Why some people won’t give an explanation to someone they seemed to care for? Im heartbroken 💔 . I wasn’t being intimate with anyone for more than a year just trying to avoid weirdos … and now this happens…

The dating world has truly become weird. I honestly can keep a decent date and get rejected quite often lately while it never happened just a couple of years ago.. Seriously things are getting akward.

I had a match with an Italian guy (I live in Europe), and he was super nice, texting daily, even himself initiating many times the texts, having quick replies .. the vibe was good. I live out of the town, and he asked me to have dinner together, which I agreed and took my car to his town. He wanted to pay for everything (parking, dinner etc ) I said no. But he insisted in at least the dinner. Which I agreed.
The day comes and he was clearly excited, I was happy too. We meet and he hugs me, he takes me by surprise to a 5 star hotel restaurant (Michelin star!!!), and asks me to pick up the type of menu (all overpriced and I would have honestly picked up “a la carte”, but he insisted on menu). He also insisted in picking himself the wine (he chose a 250 euros wine which I never in my life would have chosen, basically because I can’t afford a wine this price lol).
The dinner is cool, we talk about ourselves, our lives, we laugh a lot, honestly he seemed happy with me. I was getting nice vibes and thinking maybe we will have a second date. Food , wine and service was excellent of course and I was feeling a little like in the movies… He paid for the restaurant bill, and we say goodbye nicely. He and I talked about we are not looking for hookups and we never have sex in first or second dates just wanted to clarify this, and he was respectful.

Here comes the first red flag: having driven the car after drinking some wine back to my place, and being at night most guys would at least text to say hey are you safe home ?.. or whatever.. well, he never said a goodnight text or anything, being cosntantly texting me all the previous days. Next day: cold silence. I texted him good morning and asked him how he was doing.. no answer. Days have passed..
Honestly, why would someone invite a woman to an extra expensive place, chose the most expensive menu and wine, make her feel super cool and then just not even have the decency and education (which he seemed to brag about) to say hey sorry I don’t feel like it or whatever and at least say goodbye? why people has lost education and morals to say “no” and prefer ghosting and cold silence , why is this being normalised??? WTF.