u/IronmanSucksSoMuch

I have these two friends that I accidentally ghosted--it's been a month now. I didn't reply to them because I was at the lowest point of my life, but now that I feel a little bit okay, I'm terrified of replying to them. one of them even messaged me yesterday, but I didn't reply or see their texts. I'm so afraid of texting back, but I'm also afraid of losing them.

why am I like this? why do I do this? what am I scared of?