My boyfriend (30M) asked me (28F) to stop saying "I love you" so often because he thinks it makes the words mean less
We've been together for almost 3 years and this came up a few nights ago in a way I really wasn't expecting.
I'm naturally very affectionate verbally. I'll say "love you" when one of us leaves for work, before bed, sometimes randomly if we're cooking or sitting on the couch. I don't say it because I expect him to say it back every single time, it's just something that comes out when I feel it.
My boyfriend is affectionate too, but he's always been more reserved. He'll say it at meaningful moments, after a really good date, when we're having a serious conversation, that kind of thing. I never thought our different styles were a problem.
Apparently they are, at least a little.
He told me that hearing "I love you" five or six times some days makes it start to sound like "bye" or "goodnight" instead of something special. He said he'd rather hear it less often and actually feel the weight of it.
He wasn't mean about it and specifically said he knows I'm being sincere, but he asked if I could "save it for when I really mean it."
That phrase hurt more than I expected because... I do really mean it. I'm not filling silence. If I look at him making coffee and suddenly feel lucky he's there, sometimes I say it.
Now I've caught myself stopping before saying it and it feels weirdly artificial, like I'm rationing affection so I don't cheapen it.
I know this is probably just two people attaching different meaning to the same words, and I don't want to dismiss what he told me. At the same time, I don't want to spend the relationship constantly editing a completely genuine way I express love.
Since the conversation I've said it maybe twice and now HE keeps asking if something is wrong because I'm quieter than usual, which is almost funny.
How do you compromise on something like this without one person feeling smothered and the other feeling like they have to become emotionally restrained?
Is this just a small communication difference, or does it point to a bigger mismatch in how we need affection?