▲ 7 r/MusicCritique+3 crossposts

LOOKING FOR UNFILTERED FEEDBACK! Pierrot Demo by Ishnider, prod. JLY

Please be brutally honest, this is a song I finished a while back but I've reworked it extensively, do not hold back on the criticism pls

Lyrics:

[Verse 1]

Feel like, the main attraction at a circus

Dancing in the dark, my act still ain't close its curtains

Startin' to think, love is only cat & mouse

Wastin my time, searchin around for the right person

Motivation lost its flame

Skin welded to my couch

Haven't seen the sun in days

But I’m already burnt out

 

Tryna rekindle sparks of faith

Strike at hot iron

But action in the heat of the moment

Is playing with fire

 

[Chorus] 2x

Lost in between

Apathy and yearning

Pop a pill to sleep

I can’t seem to catch lightning

[Verse 2]

Fake confidence

Self-esteem playing pretend

Caffiene on three hour sleep

Double withdrawal is imminent

 

Cause ghost after ghost

Spirit fades like appartitions

Hope it’s not bad luck

Always been one for superstition

 

Plays could be flawless

But the game's result is

Independent of influence

Wether passion or wallets

Was mad enough to start shoutin’

But I didn’t let it show

Got to the top of the mountain

Just to find it’s a plateau

Even when close to victory

Life had to misdirect me

Just by the hair of my teeth

A piece of gold on a string

Honestly in disbelief

By what I failed to achieve

Whatever though

Life has its jokes but I’ll never stop fighting

Rationale constantly changing

Finding new ways to cope

Nothing else worth blaming

When I’ve hit my lowest low

Can't brush off dark thoughts

Stuck in a cynical twister

Don't judge me cause what you know

only paints half of the picture

[Chorus] 2x

Lost in between

Apathy and yearning

I just wanna be free

From this endless dream

Lost in between

[Verse 3]

Look within for direction,

I see a reflection of an eccentric kid

stuck in an egocentric perspective

Overly introspective, mental scars

hurt worse than infection

Won't drop the defenses,

yet still longs for connection

Zoom out the scope

Reexamine my anecdote

No tree sprouts dead branches

Thorns take time to grow

Lemme stop beating round the bush

Ain't no use in being vague

Let's go down the list that made me who I am today

With naivety, fell victim to betrayal and exploitation

Trust issues incarcerated me into a jail of isolation

Loneliness made me bitter, failed to forget humiliation

Now frustration keeps derailing excitement into impatience

Smile on my face to hide true emotion

Without it, who’s to say they’d even notice

Cause when wore my heart on my sleeve,

I was still seen as a crook

I now understand that I'll never be understood

[Outro] 2x

Keep on walking

This lonely journey

Can someone intervene

And wake me from my sleep

u/IshyTulsi — 12 days ago
▲ 4 r/undergroundhiphop+1 crossposts

Lostatic (Demo) by Ishy Tulsi

This is the second rap song I've ever made, I plan on releasing a more polished version down the line.

Any advice and criticism would be very much appreciated, please be brutally honest.

u/IshyTulsi — 2 months ago