do things actually change with chronic depression? do you ever unnumb your emotions?
ever since i was a kid i thought things would get better with time but its always gotten worse no matter what i do or how much work i put in. i feel like a magnet of doom. i dont have anyone to socialize with im alone 24/7 for as long as i can remember i haven’t enjoyed anything around me i haven’t genuinely laughed at something for years all of my positive emotions are numb, there gone and havent been here in a long time. im only 17 i dont want to live like this for another 17 years. i fell in love whilst in a hefty situationship and when that ended it made my depression so much worse. ive tried so many anti depressants throughout the years but my depression is just too strong for them to even work apparently. ive tried EVERYTHING. ive done so much work for myself and have bettered as a person yet this slump of a soul wont change. i feel like im cursed. now all i expect is to feel this way forever i dont know why i cant experience joy and happiness. i go out everyday to walk as much as i dont want to, i apply to jobs, i change my eating habits and do things that i used to enjoy yet nothing ever makes me feel better in the slightest. i was sober for 3 months and even that didnt help. i dont want to die ive always wanted to be better. for the longest time ive always wanted to have a real friend or relationship i could spend time with and i was genuinely enjoying my life a little more when i met my situationship but when they left so did the only friends and happiness i had. i have no ways to make friendships either i just wish things were easier for me. im getting to the point of just giving up and accepting that this is just the person i am and the life i have to live, my hope of things getting better went away after the years of countless attempts of trying for myself. as embarrassing as this reddit post is its really my last hope and call for help i really need someone to tell me if things can change for me and if so how