u/ItchyPlatypus896

I’m feeling defeated. I’m homeschooling my 5 year old and I reached out to a local homeschool group to set up a play date. When we arrived my son didn’t want to play the children and it made me feel so awkward because the whole point was us to meet new people. The moms were not very warm either but maybe it was just because we were all meeting for the first time. I tried reaching out to other new moms in the group but they haven’t responded. Should I look outside of my local community? I’m not sure how to help him connect with other children. He plays with kids casually at the playground but I’d like for him to have friends he meets regularly, it’s just not happening. Should I be concerned?

If you were to ask me how many children I wanted in my early 20s I would reply with 4. I wanted a big family because I love children. Then I actually had my first at 25 and my whole perspective shifted. I got pregnant in 2020 and our son was born in January 2021 but I managed to not get Covid that whole year. Then our son was born and had to stay in the nicu, I wasn’t producing enough milk, and I ended up in the ER due to a hypertensive crisis. Only 2 months after birth we all got Covid and our son ended up in the hospital again. Once we recovered we had family members complaining that we were paranoid about our son’s health and that we needed to be more involved in family gathering. Then we went through so much financial instability and our family really made our life even more miserable during that time. My husband was traveling for work and I was left alone for weeks at a time. Fast forward to today and now our son is 5 years old. He is healthy but still disturbs my sleep schedule and I seem to be doing all of the parenting. So in the end I finally have accepted that I don’t want anymore children. Through this journey I have realized that we don’t have any family support, we were not as financially secure as we thought, and raising children requires a lot more than just love. Reality hit me like a train and I don’t want anymore surprises. Has anyone else had to accept this reality? Anyway, thank you for allowing me to get this out.