Rant about the third movie
I've been a fan of the films since the first one came out. I had zero expectations for the thrid film. ZERO. IT STILL DISAPOINTED ME. I knew that we wouldn't have Daniel Pemberton, and we'd be getting a different director, and I was like "Fine, whatever," but...
Were the writers all high? What the hell was that. I was able to figure out just about every single plot twist.
"Moriarty moved the wedding to Malta. She got it brought up with Tewksberry's mom somehow."
"She's gonna pour the water on the ground."
"His dad was the one in charge of the operation."
I mean come ON! I'm a fairly stupid person. And I was calling plot points left and right! There were so many uncomfortable cliches I was half convinced I was watching a Hallmark! I loved the other two films because the twists and turns and surprises around every corner were all phenomenal. Not this one!
Oh, and the 4th wall breaks. Let's not forget about those. The icons of the franchise. The beloved 4th wall breaks. WHY THE HELL DID WE KEEP GETTING THOSE FROM OTHER CHARECTERS? And why were they soo unnecessarily long? First time it happened with Wattson I decided "Sure. Wattson can break the 4th wall too. That's kind of cool." And. It. Kept. Happening. Whyyyy? A huge part of Enola's charm was her spontaneously speaking to us, seemingly pulling her and the audience into a separate little world for a moment to think things through. Here, it was obvious that her breaks were noticeable to other characters, and it was painful. They must have thought she was crazy. Especially in the godfathers office when she strangled herself with a pretend rope and then later broke the wall with him? Did he think she was crazy while she pretended to strangle herself?
Not to mention Eudoria. They butchered her character. Felt like they made her comic relief rather than the brilliant, crazy woman she was in the first two films. She abandoned her own daughter at SIXTEEN and went into hiding, and you expect me to belive she showed up to said daughter's VERY PUBLIC wedding in the stupidest disguises possible, and then proceeded to stick to said daughter like glue and later OFFICIATE the ceremony? No! It felt like she was an entirely different woman.
And another butchered character. Moriarty. (You thought I was done, didn't you? Nope.) Her whole thing was being brilliant, playing a game, stealing from the rich while going completely unnoticed. Soo why was she just a violent manic this time? Mostly just bitter and choosing to reveal her hand pretty early on? And going after some gold? She lost all of her appeal as a villain, despite her actresses impressive work.
Actually, both she and Enola (Everyone, honestly) was being stupid. You're telling me you're just going to assume Moriarty isn't faking being knocked out? You're not going to check? Or tie her up? OR PICK UP THE FUCKING KNIFE LYING TEN FEET AWAY FROM HER? Aren't you supposed to be brilliant, Enola? On par with Sherlock Holmes? Because it feels like they've turned you into yet another "Girlboss" character. (Which the carriage-gun scene made painfully clear.)
Finally, there's Tewksbury. Yet another painful loss of this film. It felt like he and Enola lost all chemistry, which was one of my favorite parts of the first two films. And him renouncing his title as a lord? Look, I know the writters were trying to make it easier for Enola to marry him, but really, why? He was doing such good work and he gave it up because... he had a minor identity crisis? Because it turns out his father wasn't an absolute angel? Maybe THINK THROUGH SUCH A MAJOR DESCISION FOR MORE THAN A COUPLE DAYS, TEWKSBERRY?
Anyways, that's the end of my rant. I shall wish you all a good night and pray that none of you get haunted by nightmares of that awful film, because I certainly will.