u/Iwanttobehot02

I had a friend in college..But because of my own toxicity, jealousy and insecurity , she doesn't talk to me anymore. But I really don't want to lose her. I have noone to talk in college. I am not able to face loneliness. I tried talking to her but she doesn't want to talk. I feel depressed. I already had suicidal thoughts but not able to execute it. As I am afraid of the pain , i couldn't cut my wrists. The problem is me..As I am ugly and she is pretty. I always compare with her. I am kind of jealous of her because she has got everything that I always wanted . I said sorry to her. But she said that I am spreading negativity to her. I feel so bad.

What should do i ? Please help