u/IzzyToTheNthPower

(MTF14 2mo E+spiro) So I've started HRT and it def works, chest sore in a matter of days and some growth after a month, mental changes, skin changes, the whole shabang. But, now I'm worried about weight.

I'm 5'11 155lbs, which seems to be all fair and normal, but those stats aren't the whole story. I'm skinny af. Ribs visible, my doc says my issue with stairs is cause I lack the protein for strong legs, I'm never hungry and eat little, many foods are just inedible to me (any sauce, many round and/or small foods, idk why) so on and so forth.

**I'm not sure if I'm harming feminization by being so skinny, and whether or not I should eat more, and especially how to actually get myself to eat more, as willpower isn't very reliable with diet changing.**

Part of me is worried about getting too fat an dI'm considering calorie counting to tune things more finely, but that goes from "attentive to diet" to "see a psychiatrist bruh" real quick so I'm trying to block off those thoughts.

So yeah, that's about it.

Now two weeks on E and Spiro (no changes yet), I've noticed how my attitude before my parents began to weigh in favor of starting was abysmal. Like, the kind of thing you'd see on 4chan, except I have never used the website in my life. Like, glance at my post history for fluff's sake. I was certain all was lost and I'd die soon, but nowadays life feels... eh. Subpar. But, compared to before, 'eh' is terrific.

I wouldn't attribute this to the medication itself, but the peace of mind it provides. It feels like a fire being put out; yes, there's still a huge issue, but the immediate threat is neutralized and death and excruciating despair is not immediate nor imminent.

It's welcomed for now, finally being just 'eh'.

Will I ever get to pass sooner or later? I'm 14, so the answer will hopefully be yes, but it still feels unlikely.

I've been sad because of the fact that even at age 14, my puberty was close enough to finishing that I got adult doses of HRT, and I spend half of my school at a regional singing program, but I have the curse of being a bass-baritone. Music is, like, literally the only thing I've ever been so passionate about.

And on top of that, makeup burns like hell so I can't wear it, my curly hair isn't at mid-neck even after 12 and a half years of growing it, I'm 5'11", and generally like... every other possibly masculine feature applies. Big hands, huge feet, thick hair everywhere, plus, I'm not allowed to use a shaver, only a trimmer, and my family can't afford LHR nor even consider epilation, though we're well-off enough that I'm not allowed to have a job this young.

I'm just hoping I may feminize somewhat on HRT before sophomore year, and maybe pass by senior year. It feels unrealistic, though.