Struggling to accept my sexuality for a probably very petty reason……
I’m 29 years old, and have recently accepted that I am attracted to men. (Whether I’m actually gay or bi is still being worked out) But despite acknowledging this within myself, I’m really struggling with the idea of ever admitting it out loud because……….I don’t want to prove everyone right.
All my freaking life, people wouldn’t just assume I was gay, they’d claim it as fact, when I never told anyone anything.
Growing up I would over hear my parents referring to me as “the gay son”.
I’m the youngest of 5 boys, all of which were athletic and cool growing up, and they would always torment me for being different, and claim I was a girl. (Once two of my brothers locked me in their room until I just outright admitted to them that I was gay.)
At school, the other kids would always be like “oh he’s gay”, or “he likes boys”, and it cost me several new male friendships because they didn’t want to be associated with someone who might be gay.
Even now as an adult, at work people still just assume I’m gay, and I’ve even heard coworkers talking about me asking one another if I was straight up gay, and when I approach them about it they’d always be like “Oh nothing, hAhAhA.”
Im honestly sick of it, and it’s the reason why I refuse to ever admit it, because I know everyone’s going to throw out the “I knew it!”, “I told you so!”, or “I called it from miles away.”, and I’m just sick of people thinking they know me better than me, whether they’re right or not.
I’m just wondering if any other men have ever had an experience like this, and if so what did you do to overcome it???
I’m sure this is something that could easily be tackled with therapy, but I really just plan on eventually getting the heck out of my city and cutting everyone off.
I love the idea of moving somewhere and being able to start new where I can introduce myself to people and not have them think they know me.