u/JFD-S

I would just like to describe an issue im having in hopes of gaining some perspective on how to go about tackling it

I have very rapid mood swings, especially for a dude. Around 2-3 of my shifts per week I do my whole shift choked up with tears behind my eyes, but without any particular trigger or reason. I go from high energy and silly to blackpilled doomer within the hour, and I'm not sure why.

I think this is an anxiety issue, because I work myself Into spirals where I can't stop (and oftentimes, don't want to stop) catastrophizing. The other day I opened up about my depression to a friend, and explained this long winded nihilistic worldview. Then after a joke or two I was back to normal and could explain I only believe those things when I'm in that emotional range.

I feel like repressing the urge to cry every few days can't be healthy for me, and I can feel the physical stress that comes with it. If anybody has ideas I'd be glad to hear them

We, as people, are stuck between two positions at all times: being and nothingness, having and having not, desire and suffering. Effectively all philosophical solutions to this dichotomy are put on a sliding scale between becoming an absolute monk with no desires (I'll call this death) and an absolute acceptance of the world and full engagement (I'll call this life). All solutions to existensial problems inevitably fall into favoring one of these two camps.

But, in order to 'live', one must invent fantastical reasons as to why they do what they do. All why's at an objective sense have the same value in that their quality is transposed onto like an idol, by it's wielder. But said value creates the desire and suffering trap. We lose either way. There is no 'correct' path without fantasy. In which case, the monk seeks death through meditative escape and the present man grabs at anything without rhyme or reason to cope endlessly.

Everything becomes an existensial cope beyond our physical, beastly needs. And it's not something I ever got over. I cannot honestly choose to move towards any goal or direction, because I know the reason why I'm doing it is to avoid death, stillness. And then the stillness is still painful, it encourages yearning and longing, shame. So, the cycle continues. An endless painful cycle until one does actually pass.

To both optimists and pessimists, I cannot understand you, for you believe too much. There is an arrogance in the statements of "this is bad/good" in that you have somehow convinced yourself of properties objects do not in fact have.

The core of my issue is I'm incapable of trusting my emotions in regards to things because it will always feel like an ethical failure in which I have disregarded the state of things in service of a beastly need. I stop seeing reality and enter fantasy. And if I feel responsible to know exactly what the world is, then how could I convince myself getting better is worthwhile when worth isn't real?

25M. I dropped out my first year of uni so I'm in debt, my job is direction less and my depression is preventing me from doing anything healthy.

The thing that has kept me going for so long was to spite the universe for my own existence. I was forced into the world without consent, into an existence with infinite regrets and, if we're being objective, much more suffering than pleasure. I cannot place value judgements as that would require me to buy into the idea of value in the first place, which is not an objective property and thus a product of madness rather than any actual truity. My nihilistic, grey worldview means that when giving advice or perspective I'm usually keen on it but my life itself means nothing to me aside from continued existence.

I am not deriving pleasure. All I want in life is a best friend I can smoke weed with, watch tv, yap a lot and smash. Everything demands more of you. Life is a never ending hostage situation where I must give energy I don't have to a situation I didn't ask to be in and I have no choice but to do so or I die.

Action and desire cause suffering, doing nothing is death and absence. There is no win unless your environment has been fine tuned to keep you distracted from the objective status of life being shit. The only reason I'm still going is the spite filled quest to not let life win. I refuse to give in to ideation, as then the world has defeated me, and that is all that drives me.