I’m horrified at my naïveté about my Mother’s cancer.
My Mother was diagnosed with stage 1 colon cancer two years ago. This was when I started university, and my family moved. My understanding of cancer was shallow.
After a round of chemo, she had surgery, which went as well as it possibly could. The surgeon said it was the most successful removal they could’ve had, with all known cancerous cells removed.
But after Mother’s Day, it was revealed to me that before the surgery, the diagnosis had changed to stage 4. The likelihood of 5-year survival went from 9/10 to 2/10. The surgery had indeed resulted in all known cancerous cells being removed, but she’s back on chemo due to some tiny spots that appeared in her lungs.
After educating myself on how stage 4 works, I’m reeling from shock. I didn’t understand anything. I’m realizing she was hiding the diagnosis to avoid burdening me during university, which has put a lot of recent events in a new light. And while (as I understand it) the current situation is as positive as stage 4 could be, I understand I’ll be lucky if she’s around to see me graduate.
Of her kids, I’ve often been my Mother’s biggest emotional support. But I’m special needs, and have struggled with being an adult. When I was struggling at university, I tried turning to her for reassurance that I could pull through. Her very brutal response created a lot of distance, and lead me to a selfish belief that she didn’t have faith in me. But I now understand that she was doing her best. My struggles were trivial in comparison to hers.
I’m writing this as a promise to myself. It’s time to whip myself into shape. My Mother is incredible, and it’s time she starts receiving more support & good news. I’m going to work harder, communicate more, and be more available. I’m going to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.
I would truly appreciate any words of wisdom. Thank you for reading this.