GF [27F] says she doesn't want my [24M] parents to be a part of our future children's lives unless they make amends.
4 and a half year relationship.
Last year my girlfriend moved into mine and my parents house in order for us to save money to buy a house. During that time, I was paying £100 of rent and my GF was paying £200. One day me and my GF had a discussion and decided to split it 50/50. We didn't discuss this with my parents beforehand, and this triggered them for one reason or another.
They asked us for a chat but during this discussion, they said some things that could be seen as fairly disrespectful and definitely were seen that way by my GF. They essentially called her a lodger, and that they don't care that we're paying different amounts for the same living circumstances because I'm family and she is not.
Obviously, this upset her.
A couple of months later, my GF was looking at her money and concluded that she was overpaying my mum for the cigarettes and beer they were buying (they both sort of took turns based on whoever it was more convenient for to buy them) and had overpaid by about £150.
My GF confronted my mum about this, and my mum's response essentially was "I'm an adult I don't have to explain myself, I've never robbed anyone of money and wouldn't ever".
My GF was very confident my mum was wrong, but my mum refused to ever have any sort of conversation about it.
This created an extremely unpleasant living environment where they were both accusing eachother to me of being rude, lying, ignoring them, etc.
This led to my GF being kicked out. At the time of being kicked out, I had told my mum that if she is kicked out I will be moving out and renting with her as she can't move back in with her family. Due to not having an instant place to live, this essentially would have made her homeless if she was kicked out without notice. She was kicked out without notice, however her mum did let her temporarily move back in whilst she looked for somewhere to rent.
As far as my GF is concerned, my mum kicked her out without notice, knowing that she had nowhere to go.
The relationship between them, almost a year later, has nowhere near fully mended. We have been to meals for birthdays and things with them and they have been civil, but it makes my GF extremely uncomfortable and anxious in the run up to these occasions.
As a result, my GF doesn't want anything to do with them, including them being in our potential future children's lives. This is extremely difficult for me to stomach as I can't fathom a world in which my parents are unable to see my children. But she says by me saying I won't have kids without my parents being able to see them, is me putting a gun to her head and giving her an ultimatum that makes her very uncomfortable.
She said she had lightened up on this boundary and actually decided that even though she was uncomfortable with it, she'd be fine with them seeing our children, but she never told me this. However, we had a conversation the other night in which I basically said that I'm not fine with buying a house, getting married, having kids if my parents can't be involved.
She says that her and our future family should come first and should be most important, and the fact that I'm putting my parents first in this scenario is her biggest issue, and has now reverted back to not wanting them to see our kids due to my perspective.
I don't think I'm putting my parents first, but it is very important to me.
Where do we go from here?
If I manage to get my parents to make amends and apologise, she will still have an issue with thinking I'm putting them first over her.
If they don't apologise, she still won't want them to see my children, and I don't know how or if I can be okay with that.
Tl;Dr - My parents made my girlfriend feel disrespected and unimportant, parents haven't apologised, she says she doesn't want my parents to see my children and I'm struggling to be okay with that or find a solution.