Another support question!
I know this has come up often, but I am wanting to best support someone recently diagnosed BPD. I am sorry this is so long but I don't really have anyone to talk about this with.
We are both in our late 40s and have been friends 15ish years. About 8 months ago, it came to light that we had feelings for each other & we're going to explore that.
It was a wonderful weekend and then he ghosted for 6 months. I have my own mental health issues with anxious attachment and am exploring ADHD diagnosis and I really spiraled after. I finally reached out & he told me he had recently been diagnosed and felt selfish trying to pursue anything. He'd told me he never admitted to his feelings before because he didn't feel good enough, basically, and I felt he might be too good for me this whole time. He was glad I reached out because he didn't think he deserved my forgiveness and probably wouldn't have.
My feeling is he isn't selfish for wanting to be loved, if anything I am the selfish one for still wanting him as more than a friend knowing he has this to come to terms with.
We got together again. We marveled at how our anxieties and negative thoughts parallel but he withdraws and it's all I can do not to send 1000 texts. But we agreed to try anyway. We felt like we get each other & can support each other as we both begin some new therapies.
He's approx 2 months into some intense DBT therapy so it's not really a surprise I haven't talked to him since then. Im also seeing a new therapist who uses some of those techniques and I bought 2 books on loving someone with BPD.
He told me that my texts are somewhat triggering but he still wants them. The things I read say to just reinforce I still care, I am still here and to do so a lot, to where it may seem excessive. So it's at least weekly, maybe twice. Nothing Ive read really speaks to the people who shut down and don't talk to anyone. He talked about having chosen to live on the streets just so people leave him alone.
My thought is the trigger of a "thinking of you text" would be better than believing I abandoned him. But it's hard not to feel rejected. It's hard not to feel like a crazy person talking to myself in the chat bubble. But I don't want to hurt him and I don't know what's right to do.
Part of me feels like I should leave him alone until the year therapy is over. What if I am holding him back? What if in therapy he's figuring out he doesn't actually want to be with me? What if I am putting too much pressure on him? But my therapy is hard so his has to be overwhelming and I think he should be aware I am proud of him.
If you shut down and/or go mute when overwhelmed, what helps you? What could a loved one have done when you first got diagnosed? Do I keep texting until he's better enough to tell me to stop???
Thank you in advance. ❤️