Why does my avoidant ex(F28) act like they don’t want to speak via text but speak to me(M31) totally different when together?
Back in November my gf of 10 years informed me that she cheated on me and then two weeks later broke up with me. I never noticed the avoidant attachment until the breakup happened as I suspect she is a fearful avoidant. Reason I suspect this is because for the 10 years we were together she showed her anxious attachment side always seeking reassurance and was extremely co-dependent on me for everything. Over the last 6 months I was trying to repair the relationship but she decided entertaining a relationship with the guy she cheated on me with, who eventually told her he never wanted a relationship with her. After that, in her own words, came crawling back to me but then kept saying she didn’t know why she didn’t want to be with me. Apparently “something” was missing but didn’t know what. In February after Valentines it seemed like we were getting back together as we spent more time together and intimacy started. During that time I was anxious and asking for reassurance she wasn’t talking to any other guys, even as friends, to which she replied each time with no. Back in November, after speaking with my therapist about how I was still uncomfortable about it suggested I ask her to just show me she wasn’t talking to anyone, which brought to light that she was talking to another guy but only as friends. Over time I found out he was set up with her by a friend and lives 4 hours away. She started going on trips to see this guy which is has been odd since she was afraid drive to a neighboring city or any place she’s never been to before. Currently I have taken a step back but still hope to have a relationship again with her in the future so we still keep in contact and occasionally see each other. Ever since she started seeing this guy it’s like she doesn’t want to text me. I tried asking what she wanted from me regarding talking or seeing each other and she replied with “I’ll reach out to you” but the texts with her are dry and effortless most days and she stops talking to me after a certain time each night. In person though, she’s totally different. We talk with no issues(except about the relationship or feelings) and everything feels the same. She even kisses me before I leave each time. I’m just totally lost and everyone around me, including her family, are confused by her actions.