I'm not a mother myself.
My friend is a mother of twins (1.5 years). The parents had some rough first months. Up to around 9 months the babies were waking up several times a night. Now the babies sleep well but they don't eat that well (bottom 5th percentile weight wise) and it's a source of stress for my friend. One of the boys is quite calm but the second is fussy most of the time.
I try to visit them twice a month, sometimes I babysit so that the parents can go out. But I also go out with my friend whenever we're both free. We usually go out for dinner/ drinks after the kids go to asleep.
She feels guilty of leaving the father alone with the twins, so I suggested she could bring one of them and meet for coffee. She refused. She said she doesn't feel like taking them out (afraid that they'll get fussy) and is scared of them being around hot drinks. I suggest cold drinks / ice-cream, she said no... And said she doesn't know when she'll be ready for it.
I said that I understand and that she doesn't whatever works for her ... But in reality I don't
My friends aren't the kind of people who LOVE kids (they were mainly indifferent to others kids). They had kids because it's "part of life" (also it wasn't that easy to get pregnant). They think that most of people sell this fake image of being a parent, that even though it's hard, the love your kids bring is totally worth it. That people should share of of the "traumatic" experiences.
I understand that not everybody is crazy about kids, not all women have "maternal instinct" and make no mistake my friends love their kids, but I have a feeling that my friends have this perfect picture of parenthood and it's not what they are living (kids eating well, sleeping at specific hours, not crying much...) They "jokingly" complain they their kids don't speak compared to other kids...
I want to help my friend because I feel like she's at the verge of breaking down but it's very frustrating to see her put so many constraints on herself... She can't keep living like this (I feel like both parents are sometimes resentful because they don't much anymore except working and taking care of the kids)
TLDR : I'm frustrated about how my friend is navigating motherhood and I want to help her