25M & 24F. I can’t control my head.
To start, I’ve been drinking a little, for my own problems, not hers. I love her, she is the girl I’ve always wanted, however I don’t think I’m good for her, at this moment.
I currently live in a house my parents own, rent free. I get to do whatever the fuck I want, with zero worry because I’ll always have a roof over my head. I’m in school for mechanical engineering & it’s all going well. I just feel unfulfilled. I’m drinking during the day just to get through homework, it’s not that it’s difficult, it’s just dreadful and tedious.
What’s wild to me is my perception to it all. I know I’m about as privileged as it gets other than being a Rothschild. However I just can’t get shit done that motivates me.
I do at least 8 hours everyday of homework, then another 2-4 of running social media bullshit that an Ai could do. All of you reading this right now are already more disciplined than I ever could be. More hungry for a better living than I ever could be. I know what’s right but I cannot, for the life of me, commit to anything it feels like.
She barely gets enough hours working as a home caregiver. But she makes enough to be on her own, and I think that’s bringing some insecurities to fruition. I make her food whenever and do almost all of the house work but however, like genuinely, why should she be with me? I can take care of myself but past that I struggle with any sort of ambition. She is more than capable of being on her own.
I know this post maybe reads as life advice, but honestly I feel stuck. Like I can’t ever please me, her, my parents, or anyone unless I’m on my own.
So I guess a tldr is: is love worth it over self-fulfillment? I feel like I can’t pursue my interests while keeping her happy all the time, and that is not her fault whatsoever, entirely mine. I feel like I’m just not ready for a serious relationship.