u/Jackfruit_Mambo

My husband and I are struggling to understand a friendship situation and I could really use outside perspective.

A few months ago we met another couple (I’ll call them Albert & Susie). We all clicked really quickly. We had a pretty active group chat, hung out twice, drinks, long conversations, texting, joking around, talking about future hangouts, etc. The vibe always felt warm and mutual. Nothing dramatic or negative ever happened during the times we saw them. I hung out with Susie 1:1 a few times. It felt great to finally meet people we could be ourselves with.

Then out of nowhere, communication started slowing down.

I sent Susie a message and got left on read. My husband texted in a group chat later and got no response. Albert eventually read one of my messages about a week later but also never replied. Since then it’s basically been complete silence from both of them.

What’s making this hard is that there was never a conflict, argument, boundary discussion, awkward conversation, or obvious “thing” that happened. No one said they needed space. No one expressed discomfort. They just… disappeared.

I know people drift apart sometimes, but this feels confusing because the energy before the ghosting was so positive and engaged. It’s hard not to replay every interaction trying to figure out if we missed something.

The only thing I can identify as "change" was this older friend of theirs popping back into the picture (Ally). Ally is going through some crisis with her husband. The elevator pitch is they were close friends, Ally's husband wouldn't let her be friends with Susie any longer, they tried to reconnect, the husband became an even bigger jerk. Ally told Susie she had to cut her off. Susie was very hurt by all this, and hoped Ally would leave that jerk of a husband.

Overall, we stayed in touch for roughly two months, but I am deeply hurt by the radio silence. My husband and I have both always been a the classic loners. I am a very guarded person, and I rarely open up to others, let alone show my true full self. We felt very comfortable with them, and everything was so effortless. We really thought we were building a genuine friendship with them.

I’m trying to cope with the lack of closure and stop obsessing over what happened. It's so hard to keep myself from texting Susie and straight up ask "are we being ghosted?" or "sorry for whatever it was I did". I feel very dumb, but I can't ignore the fact I feel very disposable. How do I get over this? I thought people in their 40s would have the common decency of at least texting to say "sorry guys, we're just not feeling it anymore".

My husband and I are in our 40s and trying really hard to meet like-minded people to hopefully be friends with. We're pretty liberal, open minded, can talk just about anything including but not limited to: travel, history, gardening, music, and useless random facts. We're both nerds, gamers, vote blue, and bi.

If you are also going to the concert and would like to hang out ahead of the show, drop us a line. We got floor tickets, because I am a huge fan with a crush on Brent since his long hair days.

No MAGAs please.