Husband recently sober (I think)
When my husband and I started dating, he was in touch with his faith (from what I believed) and he led us into church some weeks… flash forward we get married, have a baby and I discover he is still using drugs despite me believing he had stopped completely when we married, but not just sometimes, he’s a full blown addict complete with lying, financial abuse, emotional abuse, etc,
Flash forward again- he’s now sober (I think), but our relationship has turned into something more destructive than ever.
During pregnancy and even now, he failed to show up as a leader, failed to take my concerns to heart, failed to prioritize me or our family. Time after time he chose drugs and hockey games on tv and fantasy hockey over us. Now that he’s sober, he’s seeking that dopamine hit and is still prioritizing hockey, and himself over anybody else in this house.
We don’t talk. When we do, we basically argue. I’ve tried to be a peacekeeper- I’ve tried to be Godly as possible. While he’s now having doubts in his faith, I’m diving into my relationship with Christ and it is SAVING ME.
My husband sees himself as a victim, a perpetual victim, blames me for all of our problems and refuses to look in the mirror at his own stuff. His actions show he’s wildly depressed- sitting on the couch day after day, working part time at a minimum wage job and not being transparent about finances. He collects disability (which he doesn’t claim me or our daughter on oddly enough), but thankfully puts that in our joint banking account.
He’s not a provider. Yet he demands respect. He doesn’t show up for us- and honestly doesn’t even show up for himself. We have a marriage counselor we just started seeing (our prior counselor dropped us due to his inability to stop shifting blame to me- he also wasn’t sober at the time).
I guess I’m just looking for advice. How do i keep foghting for my marriage when it feels so one sided? Ive shown up in evwry aspect of my life, i continually fight for our merriage but i feel like im trying to build this alone.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I know it can’t work if im the only one pushing forward. Just looking for Christian insight