Is it my fault?
Hi, I'm a 16 year old Asian female who is about 95-97lbs on a good day and lets say around 99lbs if I'm on my period or something like that.
My mom hasn't stopped fat shaming me since 6th grade (it was really subtle, like 'oh do you want to go out and walk at the park with me? It is good exercise for you), and since I was young I don't think I really knew if it was impacting my mental health or not. I started to notice a difference in the way I saw myself, though. I would constantly check if my stomach was more bloated than my RIBS (I still check until today), and my purging cycle started (I never binged, so I don't want to say I had bulimia). I would feel really happy to see my weight go down, because I wasn't feeding my body any real food
My parents think I stopped purging last year, but little do they know I still do. I have little scars around the back of my hand because my teeth keeps sinking into the same spot(s) whenever I do the deed- it hurts, but it hurts less than when I'm unable to purge what I ate. I would hate when my stomach was bloated after drinking WATER itself, so I would even throw up any water I had in my stomach that I wasn't able to digest yet.
My mom is saying this is my fault for not taking care of myself and eating so much- but is it really my fault? Humans live to eat, and we eat to live.