I apologise for how long winded this is, it’s mostly a rant that helps
I’m 25(F) my partner is 28(M) we’ve been together since I was 16 and have 3 kids together between 2-5 I am also 15 weeks pregnant with my 4th,
Over the past few years my relationship has become extremely volatile I have been dragged, slapped, had things thrown at me and endless holes have been put in my walls, over time I grew tired and withdrew doing my best to protect my kids even as the environment grew worse, my partner then was hardly coming home out all night only to return in the early hours of the next morning which suited me fine as him not being around helped but his abuse never stop it’s rarely physical but It can be so I know when to push and when not to but I feel like everything I do is wrong, he doesn’t contribute to anything at all in the house or towards to children it is completely put on my shoulders but he expects me to fulfil my ‘wife duties’ and if I don’t this causes more grief the necessary, I was done Christmas 2025 when he came home at 5am and refused to get up to watch our kids open there presents watching them on my own that morning made me realise I was at peace and found more comfort being alone and after he woke Christmas dinner was nearly done and he ruined the whole rest of the evening with a tantrum of sorts over his socks not being ready and pared to go out, I left 3 days after Christmas and fled to my cousins house, like an idiot I came back just after new year with the promise of change it lasted around a month in which I became pregnant but nothing changed infact it grew worse than before he’s arguing with me about silly things like the kids eating the food I brought before he could have any an me being selfish for this honestly he will find anything to argue about and I’m not perfect either by any means because I just dont know when the shut up and let him moan before he escalates this is the problem because I’m always to blame for his actions, anyways the flat we live in is mine solely he is not on the tenancy but I am planning on making him leave after multiple refusals I figure it’s safer to pack his stuff while he’s out and leave it outside and change the locks and rely on the police when he inevitably kicks off but I feel guilty because we haven’t argued in over a week I’ve just avoided him I’ve taken the kids to school taken to dog out and spent all days at my mums only to go home when I know he’s out so we have hardly spoken and now I feel guilty for what I’m planning, I hate the thought of people seeing me that’s the ‘bitter baby mum’ but I don’t feel safe around him and I can’t keep pretending I’m okay when I’m not I’m pregnant and need to look after myself and my children who have gone to schools and told them far to many things to keep covering
(Also I suspect he’s now doing cocaine just for context he’s always smoked weed but he’s now with people I know do this drug and he’s constantly blowing his nose I brought a drug text he’s refused)