Hi everyone!
I’ve recently started publishing my web novel on Tapas, and I’m looking for some honest feedback. English is not my native language (the story was originally written in Portuguese), and I’m translating it myself as I go.
I’m specifically looking for advice on the flow and naturalness of the translation. Since I’m not fluent, I worry that some expressions might feel "clunky" or too literal.
Story Title: No Mage Noblesse
Genre: Fantasy, Action fantasy
Short Hook: What would you do if you were a boy without a single drop of magic in a world where 'mana' is existence itself?
What I’m looking for:
- Does the prose sound natural to a native ear?
- Are there any glaring grammar mistakes or weird word choices?
- Is the "voice" of the story coming through clearly?
Even if you only read the first chapter, your feedback would mean the world to me!
Read it here: No Mage Noblesse
Thank you so much for your tim
The Origin
Before, there was no magic. The world was devoid of mysteries; there was not even mana.
However, 1000 years ago, the world was struck by an intense mana cataclysm. A wave of uncontrolled energy, causing much chaos and disorder everywhere.
It was then that, to ensure the survival of living beings, nature created a new element called 'mana'. It emerged as the new foundation for existence. It was through this that human beings found their way. For the first time in history, they were able to use, understand, and manipulate... Mana.
With the emergence of mana, the elements of nature were absorbed by this new power. Fire, Water, Wind, Earth, Light, and Shadows. In other words, mana was what gave humans the ability to manipulate the elements.
Mana is channeled from the environment or from the body itself. It is 'vibrated' internally until it transforms. Into flames, into ice, into wind... into the desired form.
With the emergence of mana, new beings also arose. Among monsters, beasts, and magical creatures. Goblins, Orcs, Ogres, and Onis. Dryads, Fairies, Lizardmen. Dragonkin, Dragomorphs, Humanoids, Elves, Slimes, and others. The world populated with new forms of life.
Humans possess different levels of mana. This directly influences the hierarchy of this world. High levels of mana generally define the capacity to channel and manipulate mana from the environment. The greater the reserve, the greater the power.
However, with monsters, it is different. Generally, most of the magical power used by humans comes from their own mana. But monsters have superior capabilities. They can use both their own and the environment's with ease.
The balance of the world had changed forever.
©JAE-HOON
