What should a mod say to a community member that keeps posting about how distressed they are, but refuses to get help for it?
T/W - posts about suicide and starvation
I'm a mod for a Twitch streamer, and there have been several incidents with a user recently (let's call them Jane). Jane is a pretty new but active member of the community, and seems to be going through a pretty difficult time. They often post about how bad of a day they're having, and unfortunately, this escalated into them sharing how they were suicidal in the Discord one evening.
As there are minors in our server, I did not want them to be exposed to such intense content at such a young age, so I deleted the messages and spoke to Jane in DMs instead. My primary objective was just to make sure they were okay, and direct them to appropriate services (such as crisis lines, therapists, emergency numbers etc.). I did not want them becoming emotionally dependent on me and seeing me as somebody who will 'save' them if they are feeling suicidal; I'm not qualified for such a responsibility, and those roles are best handled by professionals. Moreover, I don't believe Discord -- particularly a public server with minors -- is the space to be talking about such complex feelings.
Unfortunately, despite me providing some boundaried emotional support and sending through psychological services to Jane, they refuse to engage with any of the services because they believe "it won't help". Since this initial incident, Jane has posted multiple times about when they are distressed and has started to tag me in these posts on the server; this has included a post stating "I'm in pain, please help me" and "I'm going to starve myself". I've been attempting to keep the situation as contained as possible, and again provide some boundaried emotional support and point Jane to the appropriate services, but they continuously refuse.
I don't know what to do anymore, because Jane is disrupting the server and putting a pretty heavy emotional burden on me. I've had to spend hours talking to Jane just to make sure they aren't actively going to hurt themselves if I go, and I can't keep doing it. I want them to be okay and get the help they need, but I don't know what more I can do to help them that doesn't compromise my boundaries. I understand that Jane sees me, and the Discord, as a safe space to get support, but clearly the help they need runs deeper than the support a community on Discord can offer. As I said before, I am not qualified to know how to handle these situations, which is why we have therapists, counsellors and psychologists.
I want to send a clear message to Jane that they have to find alternative methods of support, because this isn't good for anybody - Jane isn't getting the help they need, it's putting a damper on the atmosphere in the Discord, and it's making me feel very anxious and stressed. But I also don't want to send too harsh of a message to Jane, because if they are in a vulnerable place right now, I'm worried they could take this as a brutal sign of rejection and hurt themselves.
So Reddit, what do I say? How should I construct this message? Has any other mod been in a similar position, and found a good solution? Thanks for reading and your time
tldr A Discord user keeps disclosing their suicidal thoughts to me and the Discord, but refuses to get meaningful help for it. What should I say to them that conveys how it isn't good for them, me or the Discord, without hurting their feelings and risking them hurting themselves?