u/JakubQw

I'm trying to talk to some people on discord, during day it's not as bad. But at certain moments it really hurts looking at my screen knowing I have noone to talk to. I don't have any friend, any permanent contact. I had to end my friendship because of how I was treated, and had to end my relationship for its own reasons... I also don't have any family I could rely on, and I'm truly all alone in this. I'm trying to get some more stable contacts but so far I haven't made a friend. Was anyone in this situation and what helped?

I broke up with her 2 days ago. She was my first relationship and first ever good friend. I never met another human that felt so real to me and im scared it might never happen again.

Why did I break up? First reason is, I started finding her unattractive. I was often in my head thinking how it would be with someone I genuinely fall for in terms of looks. I could never bring that issue, because she had big body dysmorphia and even without it it's out of place.

She would go on to be depressed or angry very often and for small reasons. It's as if she couldn't deal with life by herself. Incoming work problems, problems with friends? She made up scary assumptions, was always pessimistic. The problem was, lot of these issues were about our relationship. I didn't watch a series with her, or couldn't drive to meet her - she couldn't help but jump into this big depression hole.

I think one of biggest issues was, I had to be her therapist. Let's say I couldn't meet her because of my own problems. Not only I had to deal with my tough situation and being unable to meet her - I had to go through conversations lasting hour, sometimes more. Couldn't go to sleep at 1 am cuz I had to resolve her problem.

In addition to that, she was quite egoistical and maybe manipulative. She wouldn't take no for an answer, and some of her behaviour was designed to change my mind or get something out of me. Most of this was subconscious, and therefore harder to fix.

Honestly, it all came down to her 1) being unattractive 2) tiring and negative 3) manipulative and hard to fix 4) relationship didn't feel like a pillar of support, more like work. But at the same time, she is the realest human I ever met, and if the story were to unfold differently maybe we would be togheter. It just that at this point she is too hard to change, and the things were happening constantly, hurting me and making me feel repulsive towards her.

But now all the memories are hitting me and they blind my judgment, I can't think logically and im just in pain