New step dad would like to have a discussion with more experienced step parents.
Hi guys and gals, I'm recently stepping into the role of being a stepfather myself, and I'm hitting my first point of struggle. And I'm not gonna lie it's a really big one. My "Step Son"(and I'll openly admit, i'm not ready for this label yet, this will take some time) has issues controling his emotions. Any time his mother wants him to do something he doesn't want to, he will scream, snivel, and cry immediately. Now, mind you, he is four years old, I'm not being judgemental of his mother, who has done this completely on her own to this point (biodad abandoned him and his mother) and I'm not blaming a four year old for crying, because even I know how absurd that is.
The problem is, when I was a child, from as early as I have any memories, I was absolutely not allowed to act like this for even a moment. Neither was my brother with whom I was raised. My mother hit us, she did it often, and she was absolutely ruthless when it came to our structure. We, as children, were not ALLOWED to say no to my parents, or an ass whopping was going to ensue. Some of the punishments were straight up unnecessary. This left my brother and I with a lot of issues I'd thought we'd mostly worked through. Anger, sadness, selfishness, the fear to express ourselves, and even a resentment that I think at times bordered on actual Hatred, something I hate to say about my parents.
As of lately, these memories are coming back. I hadn't really thought about being a child in a long while now, and all of this is flooding back into my brain every time he throws a fit, which is usually the moment he's asked to do something he doesn't want to do. This is really distressing me. Repressed memories are coming back, and I'm really struggling. It's at a point where I feel like i need to walk away from them sometimes and take a breather, a drive, or something where I can be by myself for a while. I feel extremely guilty about this, afterall he is four, and he is also a very sweet, kind, and intelligent child. I'm talking through this with his mother as best as I feel like I know how, and I want to emphasize that this is priority #1 in regards to this situation.
If anyone else here has been through something like this, I would appreciate whatever insight you have to offer, and you have my thanks in advance, stepparents.